Empty Coconuts

Friday Humor

2009-03-20T18:49:00.001-04:00

From Funny or Die - Between Two Ferns with Zach Galifianakis
I have to watch this occasionally to get a laugh. This guy is a weirdo.

Between Two Ferns with Zach Galifianakis from Between Two Ferns

A new beginning?....

2009-03-17T19:50:00.010-04:00

Well, I guess its time for me to get back on the wagon. I've been neglecting my duties here at Empty Coconuts for the better part of 4 months. Apparently the election of Barack Obama hit me harder than I expected. But after late nights of sobbing and eating chocolate, I've decided to come out of cave and back to the blog. A special thanks goes out to Joe for his pathetic loyalty to Empty Coconuts. Apparently he has been checking for updates daily, sometimes twice a day during my hiatus. I guess this is the payoff. Go easy on me, I may be a little rusty.

So much has happened since my last blog, its impossible to touch on it all, but perhaps I can make a few quick observations:

Forgive me if I'm being fooled, but does Martin Mayhew actually know what he is doing with the Detroit Lions. First, he's able to get a couple of draft picks out of Dallas for Roy Williams. Then they unload giant waste of space Cory Redding for a pro-bowl caliber linebacker in Julian Peterson. If Mayhew can pull off a deal for Broncos QB Jay Cutler, then he may just have Lions fans believing again. With the draft still looming, we will just have to wait and see...

It appears to me that this year's NCAA Tournament is wide open. When I look at the bracket, I don't really see a clear cut favorite. And the folks at ESPN don't offer much help. Many of the "Experts" analysis put all four #1 seeds in the Final Four. Way to go out on a limb fellas. Can't someone be a little creative with their picks? If tournament history tells us anything, its that all four #1 seeds don't typically make it to the Final Four, with last years tourney being the exception. In my opinion, all four are vulnerable. That being said, I haven't filled out my bracket yet, so I can't say who my winner is.

For the first time since 1998, Michigan has made it to the Big Dance. In my opinion, they deserve to be there. They had a couple of big wins early against Duke and UCLA, and they won games down the stretch when they needed to. It will be interesting to see if they can win a couple of games.

Who knows what Michigan State is going to do in the tournament? They have been an inconsistent team all season. But there aren't many coaches I'd rather have in March than Tom Izzo. I think that the Spartans are an Elite Eight team. Whether or not they make the Final Four and/or beyond is up to Raymar Morgan and Goran Suton.

Alex Rodriguez is a fag.

Can the Tigers save us all the trouble and just cut Nate Robertson and Dontrelle Willis? These two are not the answer. I know that they are owed a lot of money, but they aren't worth a dime. I've heard rumors of Willis going to the bullpen, which is ridiculous. You cannot put a guy who doesn't throw strikes in the pen. That is a recipe for disaster. Speaking of the #5 starter, it is sounding like Rick Porcello is going to be in Detroit in April. I hope the Tigers aren't making a mistake if this happens. Remember when they brought Jeremy Bonderman up early? He's still trying to develop a change-up.

Well, that's all I have today. Hopefully, I'll be back soon.

American or Not?

2008-12-05T20:24:00.003-05:00

I can't stand Alex Rodriguez. This guy is so out of touch, it isn't even funny. There is a report out that Alex Rodriguez is going to play for the Dominican Republic during the World Baseball Classic in 2009. Quite frankly, I don't understand this. Alex Rodriguez is an American Citizen. He was born in New York City. Sure, he lived in the Dominican Republic for three years of his life, from age 4-7. But he spent the rest of his childhood in Miami. With the exception of those three years, he has spent his whole life in the United States. Make a choice A-Rod? Are you an American or not?

Rodriguez did this before the first World Baseball Classic in 2006. He vacillated between playing for the United States or the Dominican Republic. It should be noted that both of his parents are Dominican. Ultimately, I believe that this is a pathetic attempt by an insecure man. He wants the U.S. team to come crying to him telling him how much they need him. I say let him go. If he wants to play for them, then he should renounce his U.S. citizenship and become a citizen of the Dominican Republic.

I can't imagine wanting to play for another country in an event like this if I were an athlete. Why would I want to play for any team but the United States? I'm a citizen of this country. It is a trend that I do not understand. Becky Hammon played for Russia's Womens Basketball during the Olympics. Chris Kaman played for Germany's Olympic Basketball team. Both are Americans. I wouldn't call them traitors, because it is only sports. But it undermines the spirit of events like the Olympics and the World Baseball Classic. I thought the point of international competition was to see which country had the best athletes in particular sports. In my opinion, you should have to be a primary citizen of a country to play for their national team. No dual citizenship. Either you are a citizen or you aren't.

Alex Rodriguez needs to make a choice. If he wants to play in the World Baseball Classic, he should play for the U.S. because he is a citizen here. If he doesn't want to play for the U.S., become a Dominican or don't play at all. It's that simple.

Pistons trade a precursor to something bigger?

2008-11-03T21:24:00.004-05:00

It's no secret now that the Detroit Pistons have acquired Allen Iverson from the Denver Nuggets for Chauncey Billups and Antonio McDyess.
As far as this season goes, this trade is probably a push. The Pistons were not going to win a championship as constructed. They probably won't win a championship with an aging Iverson.
So, right away, I figured that the major reason for this trade was the expiring contract that it brought to Detroit.
Iverson's contract is up at the end of this season. Rasheed Wallace's contract also expires, taking a reported $35 million off of the Piston's salary cap.
My first thought was, who are the major free agents this summer. With a group that includes Shawn Marion at the top, there isn't a big catch out there.
The real deal could happen in the summer of 2010. That, of course, is the summer of Free Agents, Dwyane Wade, Chris Bosh and, of course, Lebron James.

The following article was passed on to me from a certain Chicagoan.
Pistons get Iverson now, Lebron later

In it, the writer lays out what could potentially be Joe Dumars' master plan to acquire Lebron James in 2010. And it all makes sense. The Pistons have positioned themselves to make a serious run at Lebron. I hope that this is the plan.
This team has had a pretty good run. A bunch of Eastern Conference Finals, a couple of NBA Finals and an NBA Championship. That run is dwindling. But with Joe Dumars in charge, Lebron James can take this franchise to heights unseen in Detroit. I can only say that I hope this is what the plan is. It will be interesting to see how this plays out in the next couple of years.

Sparty finally gets one!!

2008-10-26T13:10:00.002-04:00

It is hard to believe that the last time Michigan State beat Michigan in Ann Arbor was in 1990. It has been 18 years since Desmond Howard was tripped in the end zone at Michigan Stadium on a two-point conversion attempt that would have won the game.

Well, the Spartans finally exercised that demon on Saturday when they beat their arch-rival 35-21. This was an opportunity that Michigan State needed to take advantage of. Michigan is having a rare down year, and the Spartans are putting together a pretty successful one. Everything was in place, and the Spartans gutted out a big victory.

I watched the game at Buffalo Wild Wings in Grand Rapids, surrounded by a bunch of Sparty fans and Wolverine fans. Now, it has been a couple of years since I watched this game in a bar, and I'm of the opinion that it is the only way to watch it. I found myself hating Michigan more and more throughout the game. There was not more of an irritating moment than when Brandon Minor's "reception" was ruled a touchdown, despite replays clearly showing that he never touched the ground in bounds while having possession of the football. I still don't understand how that call was made, and to hear a bunch of Michigan fans rationalize it was laughable.

This was an important game for MSU. They needed to win this one. But by no means is this a changing of the guard in the state. Michigan has dominated football in this state for nearly 40 years. That doesn't change overnight. However, Michigan State did prove that they are on the right path. And they have proved that they have an outstanding coach in Mark Dantonio.

As of today, the Spartans sit at 7-2 with three games to play. They could earn a bid to a New Years Day bowl if they win 2 of their final 3 games. They should be favored to beat both Wisconsin and Purdue, which would set up a final game with #3 ranked Penn State. This is a game that should the Spartans win, (they won't, but we can dream) it would earn them a tie for the Big Ten Title. They have a lot of work to get there, and I'm not sure how all of the tie-breakers work out. But a first Rose Bowl in 20 years is not out of the realm of possibilities. The next few weeks will be exciting for fans in East Lansing and across the state. The Spartans have a great opportunity to take big strides in their program.

Returning Soon!!

2008-10-22T20:37:00.000-04:00

Don't worry folks. Empty Coconuts is still alive and well. Unfortunately, the last few weeks have been pretty busy, with school work, the death of my grandmother and parent teacher conferences. I hope to return with a new, well thought out article very soon. Please stay tuned....

Jim Leyland Not Happy

2008-10-02T19:51:00.003-04:00

The following will probably render a certain Chicagoan comatose with outrage. Jim Leyland isn't happy. According to the Detroit New article that you can read here, Jim Leyland is disappointed that his contracted wasn't extended beyond the 2009 season.

Now, Leyland and the Tigers have been under a system that had the team consistently extending his contract for an extra season for the last couple of years. However, this season, the Tigers have not offerred that extension.

I am of the mind that Jim Leyland shouldn't have been fired after this past season's debacle. But I would have understood if it had happened. Yet, I don't think he is the only one to blame. The pitching was atrocious, as well as the defense. The offense went to sleep through stretches. In the end, it was the players' lack of production that is to blame for this past season.

Yet, Leyland didn't do a great job of managing either. Something that he even said on occasion. So, why would the Tigers offer him an extra year? Can he honestly believe that he earned another year on his contract. This team was supposed to be playing in the World Series, yet they finished last in their division. Last. Behind the Kansas City Royals. This guy should be thanking his lucky stars that he even has a job.

Apparently that isn't good enough for Leyland. How about this Jim? You know that accountability that you talk about with your players. Why don't you live up to it yourself? Be accountable for doing a bad job. Come out next year and get this team back into the playoffs. Get this team back on track. You'll get your contract extension if you do.

Classic TV Themes

2008-09-27T14:36:00.003-04:00

I was watching NBC on Thursday and suddenly it hit me. TV Theme Songs have gone the way of the dodo. Sure, many shows have some sort of instrumental tune that kicks it off. But they are nothing like the TV Theme songs of my childhood. So, I've compiled a scrapbook of some of the great, or so incredibly lame its great, TV Themes. Enjoy.

Growing Pains

Perfect Strangers

Who's The Boss

Family Ties

Silver Spoons

The Facts of Life

The Muppet Show

And just for good measure, I've thrown in a few classic cartoon themes.

DuckTales

Chip & Dale's Rescue Rangers

Inspector Gadget

Most probably don't remember this show, but I always liked the theme.
DangerMouse

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

Gummi Bears

Millen out

2008-09-24T18:16:00.004-04:00

Finally, the Detroit Lions have fired General Manager Matt Millen. Excuse me if I hold my applause. This move came about 4 years too late. Ultimately though, there can be no argument with the Millen firing. During his tenure in Detroit, he was 31-84.

However, I will not allow myself to get caught up in excitement because Millen is gone. I've been listening to the radio for the last hour and cannot believe the reaction of Lions fans to this move. Apparently, I should be dancing in the street with my shirt off, drinking a glass of Tang. And your welcome for the unexpected Tang reference. Sure, fans have a reason to be gleeful. Yet many fans that I've heard have already fooled themselves into thinking that this organization is going to turn things around.

Based on what exactly? This is a franchise that let a man survive with a 37% winning percentage for over 7 years. What makes anyone think that they are going to make the correct decisions going forward. They haven't made a good decision, outside of drafting Barry Sanders, Chris Speilman and Herman Moore in 51 years. Are we to believe that they are really going to buckle down and do the right thing now? They all of the sudden embarrassed today? Where were they five years ago? No, I have sworn off hope for this franchise. I will not let it creep into conscious thought. Until they get ACTUAL RESULTS, I will not buy anything that the Detroit Lions are selling.

The Lions are an organization that has buried itself alive. And the firing of Matt Millen is just them breaking through the coffin. They still have six feet of dirt that they have to dig themselves out of.

First and foremost, they have to hire the right General Manager. A tall task, considering the franchises history. Then, that GM has to hire the right coach. This assumes that Rod Marinelli is gone after the season. And there are a lot of reasons to assume that he is. Beyond that, they need to clean out their personnel and scouting departments. Their drafts have been terrible in the Millen era, and they can't keep people around who have signed off on such awful football players.

Many Lions fans will look at this as a good day. Yet I caution them to not get over excited. The Fords are still in charge. As long as they are making the decisions, there is no reason to expect more than mediocrity. Actually, what am I talking about? Mediocrity? That sounds pretty good right about now.

Don't worry, I'm still alive

2008-09-23T21:19:00.004-04:00

I know, I know. I haven't had much of a chance to update Empty Coconuts, or Conservative Coconuts for that matter. It has been a really busy couple of weeks for me.

I urge you to keep checking both sites, as I hope to have some new material for you in the next couple of days.

I just have to get my creative juices flowing again.

Warning: Don't Take Us Seriously

2008-09-14T20:17:00.006-04:00

The Detroit Lions are a laughing stock. On Sunday, they proved without a shadow of a doubt that they are not to be taken seriously.

I planned on wasting my Sunday, yet again, to watch the Lions. Before I knew it, the Lions had fallen behind 21-0 to the Green Bay Packers. And suddenly, I had no reason to continue to watch them.

So, I switched the channel and watched something else for a little while, periodically checking in on the game.

Needless to say, I was stunned that the Lions had pulled to within 6 points with around 8 minutes left in the 4th quarter. Even a cynical Lions fan such as myself had hope that they would come back. The only obstacle left wasn't the Green Bay Packers. It was Jon Kitna.

This template has been seen many times before. The Lions fall behind. They valiantly fight themselves back into the game. They get the ball with an opportunity to tie or even win the game. And Jon Kitna does something stupid to stand in the way of victory.

I predicted that Jon Kitna would somehow blow this game before it happened. Although I was chided by a certain Chicagoan for making such an obvious prediction. Yet, I will still take credit for it.

Nevertheless, I was surprised when Kitna hit Calvin Johnson for the go-ahead touchdown, putting the Lions ahead 25-24. Maybe this team had some guts, some grit. Maybe they would perservere and sieze victory from the jaws of defeat.

Alas, this is the Detroit Lions that we speak of. Such dreams only come true in, well, dreams. And even then it's not prone to happen.

Green Bay promptly marched down and kicked a field goal for a two-point lead. Now was Kitna's time. This was his chance. I knew he could blow this game, if he didn't put his mind to it. Perhaps he wouldn't make the plays that he's not capable of making. Only his stellar lack of ability and shrinkage in big moments could shine through.

Kitna didn't disappoint. Almost on cue, he threw his first interception of the game. This was a pass that his receiver had no chance of catching. It was almost as if he was trying to throw it to the defender. Obviously, Green Bay would end up scoring a touchdown.

Then, Kitna got another chance. He threw another interception, this one to Charles Woodson who returned it for a touchdown. Now, as a Lions fan, I've become immuned to this. It's pretty much to the point that when these things happen, I start laughing. Because they are so pathetic that its comic.

After that interception, I had a conversation with my brother. I told him then that Kitna wasn't done. "I bet he throws another one," I said. I was absolutely positive that he would throw another pick. Sure enough, he threw another one. And that was returned for a touchdown as well. And it has to be said. These weren't interceptions where Kitna threw a ball up for grabs and the defensive back wrestled it away from the wide reciever. They weren't even close. All of them were thrown directly to the nearest Green Bay Packer.

The Lions went from being up 1 point to down 23 in a period of 5 and a half minutes. Such is Detroit Lions football.

The Lions certainly have a lot of issues. An argument can be made that they are the worst team in the NFL. But they clearly have a glaring hole at quarterback. Kitna is a complete joke. I've said it before, but there is a reason why this guy has been a career backup. If the Lions truly want to improve, they can't keep running Jon Kitna out there. Therein lies the problem. Kitna, somehow comes away from games with decent numbers. At least, they are numbers that allow him to keep his job. Take out the interceptions of Sunday's game and he was 21/41 with 2 touchdowns and 276 yards. Not great, but not terrible, excluding the interceptions of course. I believe the following sums up Jon Kitna perfectly: "He is just good enough to lose."

What do I mean by that? Well, he is good enough to keep his job as the starting quarterback for the Detroit Lions. But he isn't good enough to win football games for his team. Can you think of a single game that Jon Kitna has won for his team? This is his third season here, and I cannot think of a single defining moment for this guy.

Ultimately, it doesn't matter. They stink. Whether Jon Kitna is playing, or someone else is. The Lions aren't going anywhere. So, it's time to bench this clown and see what they have on the bench. They need to know what Dan Orlovsky, in his fourth year, can do. They also need to see what they have in Drew Stanton when he returns from his injury. They might as well give them a shot. What do they have to lose? Other than football games. Games that Jon Kitna is just good enough to lose anyway.

Nothing has changed

2008-09-08T19:20:00.003-04:00

The Detroit Lions stink. They have always stunk. They will continue to stink. Any thought by anyone that the Lions would have a decent year, by their standards at least, was destroyed in Detroit's debacle in Atlanta.

The only thought that I can really express here is that nothing with this franchise has changed. They are just as bad as they have always been. Their defense cannot tackle. They can barely run the ball. And their quarterback is just good enough to lose. There is a reason that teams keep letting John Kitna go. If John Kitna is your starting quarterback, then you probably don't have a good team. The two are mutually exclusive.

I'm really glad that I wasn't able to watch the whole game. I caught about 15 minutes between the second and third quarters, and listened to the rest on the radio. I'm also glad that I didn't invest any emotion into this team during their 4-0 preseason. This allows me to look at Sunday's results with indifference. I'm not surprised, nor do I care. Because the organization doesn't care. I don't even have the ire built up to call for Matt Millen's head or for William Ford to sell the team. Those days are past. Neither are going to happen. Why waste my breath?

Sadly, this is probably the view of Lions fans across the State of Michigan. But you can't blame any of them. For everything that the Fans have invested into this awful franchise, the Lions have reciprocated exactly nothing. Lions fans are like battered wives. They invest so much trying to keep their relationship together, thinking that their partner can change. And just when he shows signs of changing, POW! She gets punched in the face.

So, henceforth, I will no longer invest any emotion into the Lions. I will not get excited, nor disappointed. I will not take them seriously. Because they do not take themselves seriously. When they finally do, I may invest myself again. But chances are that they will have to thaw my cryogenically frozen head and reattach it to my body. Because it won't happen in my lifetime.

Wanted: A Good Quarterback

2008-09-01T09:18:00.004-04:00

"We played tough to the end, but I'm getting sick of this losing-by-seven stuff," MSU quarterback Brian Hoyer said.

Yes, those are the words of MSU quarterback Brian Hoyer. Well Brian, how about a reality check for you. If you could actually hit a receiver, then your team would have won this game.

The fact is that Brian Hoyer threw for 321 yards on Saturday night. Yet, he only completed 20 passes out of 48 attempts. That is a 42% completion rate, which is pretty bad.

He missed open receivers all game, consistently overthrowing and underthrowing them. He constantly threw off his back foot, as if he had the arm strength of Brett Favre. This caused a lot of the underthrows. Honestly, I'm shocked that he only had 1 interception.

Oh, yeah, the interception. Let's talk about that. It was one of the worst inteceptions that I have ever seen. Losing 17-7, Michigan State drove down the field at the end of the first half. They were at Cal's 12 yard line and would at least come up with a field goal to cut the deficit to a touchdown. On first down, Hoyer, who was about to be sacked, just flung the ball into a pair of Cal defensive backs. Ending the MSU threat, and severly hindering their chances of winning the game. Hey Brian, take the sack and go after it the next play!!!

This guy has done nothing to disaffirm my suspicion that he stinks. He is not a play maker. He doesn't make his teammates better. He doesn't lead his team to wins. Take last years Champs Sports Bowl against Boston College. Arguably the most important game for MSU in the last 6-7 years. Hoyer shrunk like George Costanza in a cold pool. It is difficult to say that one player could lose a football game. But that is Hoyer's lone accomplishment. He single handedly lost that game, with 5 turnovers. (4 interceptions and 1 fumble) All of which were his fault. Honestly, I have never seen a worse football game played by a quarterback. And this comes from a person who has grown up watching Scott Mitchell and Joey Harrington. He completed only 39% of his passes and had a 28.2 QB rating. And his team still only lost by a field goal. I understand that players will have bad games. But you can't play that bad in that big of a game for the program. That tells me something about his football character. How can he ever be trusted in a big game again?

I have no confidence in Hoyer. For the first time in years, Michigan State football has some expectations. I'm not sure if they can be reached with the scrub that they have under center. Don't get me wrong. I do not want to see Hoyer fail. I want him to do well, because that is good for MSU. And I think that he will play well at times. But I don't trust him in big moments. Perhaps if State had a better quarterback, they wouldn't keep losing games by a touchdown or less. Because good quarterbacks make the plays necessary that help their teams win. Fair quarterbacks do just enought to help their team lose. Hoyer, at best, is a fair quarterback.

Conservative Coconuts Launched

2008-08-30T01:32:00.004-04:00

Ladies and Gentlemen, Empty Coconuts has expanded. Due to the upcoming election, I have started another blog, specifically for political chatter.
I did this because I know that many of you don't care about politics, as I do. So, I've decided to keep Empty Coconuts as a sports/funny stories/pop culture type site. Anything political can be seen on Conservative Coconuts.
I know what you are thinking. You can't even update one blog, let alone two. A fair criticism to be sure. However, I have ideas for political articles nearly every day, and with it being election season, I will have a wealth of political items that I want to write about.
Keep in mind, that I am a Conservative, and anything written on Conservative Coconuts will come with that slant. If you can't handle it, then you don't have to read it. That is part of the reason why I started that blog.
Either way, you can view it at conservativecoconuts.blogspot.com. I hope that those of you who come on over enjoy it.

9 Year Old Banned

2008-08-26T17:46:00.013-04:00

9 Year Old Barred For Pitching Too Well

Jericho Scott is a 9 year old fireballer. He can throw a baseball 40 mph. Heck, I'm not even sure I can throw a baseball that fast. Unfortunately, for Jericho, he throws the baseball too fast.

Because he throws too hard, little Jericho has been banned from his youth baseball team in New Haven, Connecticut. The league is hiding behind the excuse that Jericho may hurt another player. Give me a break. The fact is that Jericho is just too good. And instead of challenging the other players in the league to get a hit off of him, the league and the other teams have taken their ball and run away. Literally.

One of the other teams in Jericho's league actually walked off the field and forfeited the game when he took the mound. Come on. First, what kind of coach would allow his players to do that. And, what kind of parents would let their kid quit.

When I was in Little League, I knew who the best pitchers were. Our team knew who was good and when we went up against a good pitcher, I was always nervous. But I still took my swings. And most likely my strikeouts. I also took a fastball to the back by a pitcher who will remain nameless. He will only be known as Hoss. Try facing a guy who has facial and chest hair in the sixth grade. These punks in Connecticut don't know what their dealing with.

This is a problem with our culture today. We are raising a bunch of weanies. If a kid is too good, kick him out of the league. We can't allow other players to fail against him. Heaven forbid they challenge themselves to get a hit off the guy.

Also, what lesson is being taught to Jericho Scott? He is being punished for excelling. What is he going to do the next time he tries to do his best? Maybe he will go for it, but maybe he will back off a little for fear of being kicked out of a league or whatever venue he is in. What a sad precedent.

We have youth sports leagues that don't keep score. This is to preserve their players' self-esteem. It would ruin their psyche if they, gasp, lose. Nevermind the fact that the players know the score. I've been to games that don't keep score and you can see the players adding it up in their heads.

Losing is a part of sports. More importantly, losing is a part of life. When you go to the bookstore, you will never find a book on how to fail. Because we all know how to do it. It is how we respond to failure that allows us to succeed. And we learn how to respond to failure from the day we are born. From the first time we touch a hot stove, to our first strikeout, we fail, and we fail and we fail. Then we succeed.

As an educator, one thing that I stress to my students is that losing, and making mistakes don't have to be bad things. You learn more from these experiences. You learn what you did wrong and you always have a chance to correct your mistakes the next time. You learn more from your mistakes than your successes.

When these kids grow up, they are in for a reality check. The real world may not keep score, but there are certainly winners and losers. What are they going to do when they lose out on their first job interview? Or when they are rejected when making a sales call? Go and cry to mom and dad? Winning and Losing builds character. It teaches us resolve and persistance. If we keep raising these weanies, I'm afraid of what they will become 20 years down the line.

Michael Jordan has a good outlook on success. He said:

"I've missed more than nine thousand shots in my career, I've lost more than three hundred games, and twenty-six times I've been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. Throughout my life and career I've failed, and failed and failed again. And that's why I succeed."

Inspiring words from arguably the greatest basketball player of all time.

Comments

2008-08-25T19:22:00.002-04:00

It has been brought to my attention that some people do not know how to place a comment to something that I have written. For those of you who face this problem, here is your tutorial.
Below each of my blogs is a link that reads comments(0). The number in parenthesis indicates how many comments have been made for that particular blog. If you click on comments, then the comment screen will come up.
At this point, you can type your comments in the box on the right side of your screen. When you have completed your comments, you will want to do one of two things.
Either click the circle next to 'anonymous' if you don't want people to know who you are.
Or, click on the 'Name/URL' circle. When you do this, a box will pop up where you can type your name. You don't have to type anything into the URL box. You may want to refrain from using your whole name or real name, as it will pop up on a google search. Simply typing in your first name should be good enough, as I typically know everyone who reads Empty Coconuts.
After you've put your name in, click the orange button at the bottom that says 'publish your comments.'
It's that easy folks. If you continue to have trouble, please let me know.

Last Day

2008-08-21T23:06:00.003-04:00

Here it is. It has finally arrived. My last day of summer vacation is Friday of this week. I go back to work on Monday. I know what all of you are thinking. Rejoin the real world you bum. But I urge you to imagine what I'm going through. Put yourself in my shoes for once.
Think about the feeling that you get on Sunday afternoon and evening. That feeling that you have to get to bed to be fresh for work the next day. That feeling of dread because your weekend is over with when it seems like it just started. Now imagine how Sunday night feels when you've had nearly 3 months off. Ugh, what an awful feeling. You have to understand how difficult this is for me. I guess I'll just have to accept it an move on. I am among the working again.
I implore you to not feel bad for me for too long. We all have work to get to on Monday. No time for mourning.

Scary Dude

2008-08-21T14:53:00.002-04:00

This speaks for itself. No commentary from me is necessary.

Lions Love

2008-08-19T09:45:00.004-04:00

The Detroit Lions are a black hole for optimism. Every year at this time, it can be guaranteed that somebody, somewhere will come out and say that the Lions are going to be good this year. They will predict something like 9 or 10 wins. They will talk about how much they are improved on defense and that the running game will come around. I've seen it a thousand times.

Well, thank goodness for today's Detroit News and Detroit Free Press. They didn't disappoint. In his article today, Mike O'Hara picks the Lions to win 9 games this year. You can read the article here. And in the Free Press, Nicholas Cotsonika tells us how the Lions look better and that we may have something to believe in. Read it here.

I'm calling this Lions Love. It's a rare affliction that affects only Lions fans. It's when you let the team fool you into thinking that they are going to be good before the season has even begun, because of a couple of good practices and preseason games. Many times it comes with unreasonable predictions, dillusions of grandure and Superbowl aspirations. Don't forget about the cold sweats at night, fatigue and inexplicable purchases of #3 Jerseys.

For a minute there, I actually felt myself get caught up in Lions Love. I let myself think that maybe the Lions will be good this year. Maybe their offense, with Calvin Johnson will be unstoppable. Maybe they will have a decent running game. Maybe their speedy defense will catapult them to the playoffs. Maybe I will slide down a rainbow into a pool of marshmallows and lemonade, and rejoice with the unicorns and leprechauns, while butterflies play harps made from the hairs of mermaids. Did I go too far there?

For the life of me, I cannot understand how anybody can get caught up in Lions Love anymore. This team has proven nothing to anyone. I fail to see the logic of basing a prediciton on preseason games. Many a team has gone undefeated in the preseason, only to stink royally in the regular season. Likewise, many teams have gone totally defeated in the preseason, only to make the playoffs. These games really don't matter. Half of the games are played against third stringers. What does this really prove? That our third stringers are better than your third stringers. The more important question is whether our third stringers are better than your first stringers, because, knowing the Lions, that is who will be playing by Thanksgiving.

I understand that people want to get excited about the Lions. Hell, I want to. I want professional football to mean something in Detroit, and across Michigan. Excuse me if I wait for it to actually happen. If the Lions were judged on preseason hopes, then we would already have a Super Bowl title. Maybe the Lions will be a good team this year, maybe they won't. I hope they are, but it is not something that I am counting on.

On vacation, from summer vacation

2008-08-08T23:02:00.005-04:00

This just in. Empty Coconuts is taking a break from summer vacation to, well, go on vacation. I need to take a break from relaxing to relax. Doing nothing is not as easy as it sounds. Anyway, there is little chance of the site being updated for about the next 7 or 8 days.

That being said, I will offer my insight of this weeks goings very briefly.

The Tigers suck...Kwame Kilpatrick is going down, and that is good for everyone...Brett Favre is still kind of a jerk...The Green Bay Packers are jerks too...Barack Obama is the biggest jerk of them all...I'm good at pretending like I'm interested in the olympics, but I'm not really that interested...I can't see myself watching more than the swimming and the diving...Maybe I'll watch a little basketball...Ok, you got me, I'll definitely watch the gymnastics. So will you dammit. Admit it...Desmond Howard isn't much of an in-game football analyst...Rod Allen and Mario Impemba REALLY need to go. Seriously, can these guys possibly sugarcoat this team any more? And I thought I was a homer...I'm ashamed to admit, that in the dark recesses of my mind, I hope the Lions might actually do something this year...If you are interested in the olympics, don't log onto ESPN.com because they will tell you what is going to happen before you watch it on tape delay. Sorry...I will most likely miss my fantasy football draft this week because of this vacation. I haven't really prepared anyway, but I've already committed to paying $50. I'm certain that my team will suck...I am pumped up for college football to begin...I think the Spartans have a chance to be pretty good this year, but I still won't be able to watch half the games at home. Damn you Big Ten Network and stupid apartment cable...Yes, I've seen The Dark Knight four times. It was that good. I'd be lying if I said I won't go see it again. I might...For all of you workers out there, be glad that I will be rejoining you among the working in two weeks.

Have a great week.

R.I.P. 2008 Detroit Tigers

2008-08-06T08:54:00.005-04:00

I've had it. I'm not going to fool myself anymore. The 2008 version of the Detroit Tigers are dead in the water. Despite the fact that they are technically in the race (7 games out), there is no way this team is going anywhere. They can't even win games that are given to them.

The Tigers had a 6-1 lead against the White Sox on Tuesday night, and in typical fashion, they could not hold that lead. What's worse? I knew that they wouldn't hold that lead and that they would probably lose the game all together.

Nate Robertson doesn't put his team in a good position to win a ballgame, ever. Despite Rod Allen's claim that he did a good job of shutting down the White Sox. Robertson's line: 5.0 IP, 9 H, 4 ER, 3 BB, 3 K's. Does that sound like anyone was shut down to you? Good grief, we even need new announcers around here. Robertson's inability to go more than 5 innings puts even more pressure on a bullpen, who, can't take the pressure that they already have on them.

So, the game dragged on. And the believers continued to tune in, all the way to the 14th inning. When Placido Polanco drove a ball over the left field fence for a two run homer, and a two run lead in the 14th inning, I stupidly thought that was the end to this maddening game. I'm really starting to feel like a moron.

The Tigers brought in Joel Zumaya to pitch in the bottom of the 14th inning. Needless to say, I was tired and let the sleep timer on my TV expire. So, I didn't actually see what happened next. And I am glad that I didn't. All I know was that there was an error and a 3 run homer that lost the game for the Motor City Kitties. Had I been awake for that, I probably would have thrown my alarm clock through my television.

It is so frustrating, because they really blew this game twice. With a 6-5 lead, Kyle Farnsworth served up an 0-2 breaking ball to Alexei Ramirez in the 8th to tie the game. Then, of course, Zumaya blows it in the 14th. I even feel like the Tigers are pushing their luck as the game goes on. It's the law of averages. Eventually, some bum from the bullpen is going to meltdown. I thought it would be Fernando Rodney, who actually pitched well. But I'm not surprised that it was Zumaya. If you can't win games like this, you aren't going anywhere.

Nix "The Closer"

2008-08-05T23:05:00.003-04:00

It's been a pretty big topic in Detroit. Who is the closer for the Detroit Tigers? Get rid of Todd Jones. Fernando Rodney can't do the job. Joel Zumaya will get a shot, but so might Kyle Farnsworth and Rodney again.
Well, all of this debate may be a moot point. Jim Caple has written an excellent article on ESPN.com about The Closer. You can read the article here. http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/story?page=caple/080805&lpos=spotlight&lid=tab1pos1
Basically, Caple explains that the closer is the most overrated position in sports. The save is a stat that means virtually nothing. I have discussed this with my dad several times, because too many times I have seen teams take out a pitcher who was dominating to bring in 'the closer' simply to get a statistic. Teams do this, despite the fact that they win 95% of games in which they have a lead going into the 9th inning.
They bottom line is that a baseball team should pitch the best pitcher for whatever situation presents itself. Read the article if you get time. It makes a ton of sense. Does anyone know Jim Leyland's email address. I'll send it along to him.

Westchester Wind

2008-08-01T11:03:00.003-04:00

Hey folks! I know that many of you come to Empty Coconuts for my opinions on the Detroit Sports scene, as well as some national sports from time to time. Today, I will ask you to expand your horizons, as well as your favorites on your internet browser.

Anyway, the Westchester Wind has been a viewer and contributor to Empty Coconuts. For those of you who don't know, the Wind is a friend to Empty Coconuts as well as an opponent in various Fantasy Sports. I recieved word today that he has started his own blog. If you want some great insights on the sports topics of the day, I urge you to head on over to his site. His web address is http://www.westchesterwind.blogspot.com/

I think that my readers will be pleased with what the Wind offers. His sports knowledge dwarfs those of Empty Coconuts. He was even the runner up in the Jackson Citizen Patriot Blog Off, where various amateur writers wrote articles on different sports topics for the paper. So, when you get a chance, check it out. I'm sure he would love to hear your comments as well.

Also, Empty Coconuts will most likely be out of commission for the next few days. My sister is getting married on Saturday, so I will likely be very busy this weekend. As if I need a reason to not update this blog regularly. Anyway, have a great weekend and I hope to return early next week.

Playing with Injuries

2008-07-31T10:10:00.007-04:00

According to the Detroit News, Todd Jones could be headed to the Disabled List with a shoulder injury. Jones said after last night's game that he's been feeling shoulder discomfort for up to 6 weeks.
WHAT!!!!???!?!? GIVE ME A BREAK!! This really ticks me off. So, for the whole time that this guy has been sucking, his shoulder has been bothering him.

This is something that I will never understand about athletes. They think that they are helping their team when they play through injuries. But Jones has absolutely killed his team by doing this. He has blown a few big games, as well as gave up a potentially game losing homerun last night.

It is one thing if you are a point guard or a running back and you play hurt. You can still help your team. But when a pitcher is hurt, he will undoubtably hurt his team. Especially if it is his shoulder that is injured.

It also comes across as an excuse. The guy was terrible for a month and NOW he tells us, "oh, by the way, there is something wrong with my shoulder." Don't even bother to put him on the Disabled List. Cut him. He can no longer help this team. I'm not a Jones hater, but this is a bunch of B.S.. The guy deserves to go for not disclosing an injury and costing his team a few games because of it.

Adios Pudge

2008-07-30T16:56:00.003-04:00

In somewhat of a surprising move, at least to me, Pudge Rodriguez has been traded to the Yankees for Reliever Kyle Farnsworth. I think this is a good move. Not that I think it will jumpstart the Tigers to the Division title. But it does address a huge problem for this team, that being the bullpen.

Pudge has been having a decent year, as of late, at least. He's batting .295 with 5 homeruns and 32 RBI. Pudge is 36 years old and in the last year of his contract. It didn't appear as if the Tigers were going to bring him back next year, and this trade only solidifies that thought. Clearly they had no thoughts of resigning him, so they swapped him for another player with an expiring contract after this season.

The Tigers bring in Farnsworth, who pitched for them in 2005 before being traded to the Atlanta Braves. This season, Farnsworth has been the setup man for Mariano Rivera and the thought here is that he will step in as the Tigers closer. In 44.1 innings pitched, he has struckout 43, walked 17 and has a 3.65 ERA. Hopefully, the Tigers will be getting a guy who will throw strikes out of the bullpen. This has been one of their major problems over the course of this season. Too many times, relief pitchers have walked batters, especially in the late innings. That is the kiss of death for a baseball team. It seems to me that late inning walks almost always come around to score. It will be intriguing to see if Farnsworth can help cure that problem.

This clears the way for Brandon Inge to be the full time catcher. Inge is probably near Pudge's level behind the plate. Pudge most certainly handles the pitching staff better, but Inge has a strong arm and they probably lose nothing in slowing baserunners. Obviously, Inge isn't anywhere near the hitter Pudge has been. Even with Pudge's recent decline.

But what are the Tigers really giving up, a bottom of the order hitter for a potential closer. I think this trade is worth that risk. They are in no short supply for hitters. This team needs pitching bad, and this seems to be a logical trade.

What are your thoughts on this trade?

Pistons sign former #1 pick

2008-07-29T10:22:00.005-04:00

The Pistons finally made a move this offseason. There has been much speculation over what they might do to improve their team. However, it wasn't the trade that everyone expected. They Pistons dipped into the Free Agent pool and signed.....Center Kwame Brown.

Excuse me if I don't appear too excited about this move. Kwame Brown, of course, was the overall #1 pick in the 2001 draft. He went to Michael Jordan's Washington Wizards. Over his career he's averaged 7.5 points, 5.7 rebounds, and 0.7 blocks in 23.7 minutes. His stats were actually below his career averages last season. (4.8pts, 4.9 rebs., 0.6 blocks) Needless to say, I don't think the Pistons are going to get much out of this guy.

The question for me is, what role does Kwame play on this team. He has size at 6'11''. Something that they need. Do the Pistons start him to enable Antonio McDyess to come off the bench? With McDyess playing during crunch time. Or does he come off the bench. I think his greatest value would be to start, considering his size, and McDyess's comfort level off the bench.

Also, does the signing of Kwame affect the playing time of up and comers Jason Maxiel and Amir Johnson? The Pistons have put a lot of energy into developing these two players, especially Johnson. It seems to me that Kwame will take away minutes from Amir. I understand the desire to get better, but does this actually make them a better team? I'm not so sure.

Finally, the Pistons gave Brown a 2 year deal at $4 million per. How Kwame Brown gets an $8 million deal, I will never understand. He is only making $2 million less and McDyess and about $2 million more than Jason Maxiel. I guess the Pistons were desparate for a big man.

In fairness, other than the money I don't really see the huge risk in this deal. If he sucks, then he's gone after the 2010 season and his contract is off the books. Keep in mind, there is a big free agent class that summer. (Lebron, D-Wade, etc...) However, there is one intriguing aspect of this deal. Kwame Brown has never played on a team with a strong veteran presence. He will get that in Detroit. Guys like Rasheed Wallace, Antonio McDyess and Chauncey Billups will expect him to perform. Also, Wallace loves working with young big men and making them better players. Perhaps this is what Kwame has needed throughout his career. To my knowledge, he has never really had a mentor who can help improve his game.

Of course, that is wishful thinking. Personally, I'm not expecting much.

Tigers blow another big game

2008-07-26T10:19:00.003-04:00

I'm disgusted. Utterly disgusted. The Tigers blew yet another huge game on Friday night and there is plenty of blame to go around.
The obvious blame goes to Todd Jones. In June, I wrote an article explaining why Jones wasn't as bad as everyone thinks he is. But he has not been good in the month of July. He has blown 2 saves, has a 5.87 ERA, and given up 10 hits and 7 runs in 7.2 innings pitched. Not a very good month so far for a closer.
Well, his latest gaffe was the 2 run homer that he gave up to Jermaine Dye, blowing the save, and giving the White Sox the lead, ultimately the win. For a team that is trying to get themselves back into contention, you cannot afford to have your closer blow games against the first place team in your division. Especially when it is a game that you led almost the whole way. Completely inexcusable.
Some may try and tell you that Nate Robertson pitched a good game on Friday night. Give me a break. The guy gave up 3 runs in 6 innings pitched. Probably not such a bad line. But factor in the five walks that he gave up and the two baserunners that he allowed with no one out in the 7th inning, sparking Chicago's rally. I can't call that a good game. It is becoming harder and harder to win games that Robertson pitches in. I'm not sure that its a good thing the the Tigers have him for 2 more years at around 7 million per.

Jim "I'm full of it" Leyland deserves a whole heap of blame. Leyland always says that he will play the best players. If a guy isn't getting it done, then he will be gone. Then how does this man explain the fact that Edgar Renteria and Gary Sheffield still find themselves in the Tigers lineup. Yet Marcus Thames sits on the bench. This is the worst case of misplaced loyalty that I have ever seen. Sheffield offers nothing to this team right now. Worst, he looks like he doesn't even care. I would have no problem if they paid Sheffield to go away. That would allow Thames to DH everyday. Keep in mind that Thames is tied for 7th in the AL for most

Another thing that is laughable about this whole situation is that many times, when Thames plays, if he hits a homerun early, Leyland will pull him. It's like he says, "well, we got something out of Marcus. Let's not push our luck here." Thames needs to play everyday.

After Todd Jones gave up the lead in the top of the ninth inning, Edgar Renteria led off for the Tigers in the bottom half. How can you let this happen? The guy has had a handful of extra base hits all season and is hitting .254. This was a perfect spot to let Thames pinch hit. He may not have gotten the big homerun or double, but don't you like his chances better than Renteria's. At least you had a chance to tie the game. Ditto for deciding to hit Placido Polanco in the inning. Don't get me wrong, Polanco is an excellent player and hitter. But he is a singles hitter. By sending him up there with two outs, the Tigers would have had to get two or three 2-out hits off of Bobby Jenks. Give Thames the chance to tie it up with one swing. That never happened. Instead, Leyland leaves his best team, and chance of winning on the bench.

Finally, this game was totally predictable. I said in the 7th inning that this felt like a game that Todd Jones was going to blow. My brother predicted that Jermaine Dye was going to hit a homerun when he came up. Sure enough, both of these things happened. It's not a good thing when your fans know that you are going to find a way to lose.

So, instead of being 4 1/2 games behind the White Sox, the Tigers are 6 1/2 games back. Essentially a 2 game swing. Ultimately, we may find out more about the Tigers during this series than we really want to know. And that is probably going to be that this team just isn't good enough. I hope we find out something different. But when a team keeps losing games that they should win, you can't logically come to another conclusion.

Crazy Vagrant Jokester

2008-07-22T11:10:00.005-04:00

I'm beginning to love Grand Rapids. I never ran into such crazy people in Jackson. Alas, I have come across another crazy person. Quite possibly the craziest person that I have run into yet.

I was shopping at Meijer this morning, picking up a few essentials. Chips Ahoy cookies and Pizza Bagels. As I was walking down the snack aisle, a voice called from behind. I was wearing my Detroit Tigers hat backward and this voice said, "It's a little too early to be wearing that Tigers hat backward." I thought that maybe it was someone I knew, but then I remembered that I don't know anybody up here.

So, I turned around and this really dirty guy stood before me. His shirt was stained and he stunk like B.O. to high heaven. "What, just because the Tigers are .500, you think you can wear that hat around like that?" he said. I kind of laughed it off, hoping that he would just move on. But he didn't.

Just then, the weirdest thing of all happened. He leaned in and dropped a couple of sheets of paper, folded up into my cart. My first thought was, what the hell is that. I don't want that in my cart, nor anywhere near my person. Then he clarified what it was. After his clarification, there was no doubt that this crazy vagrant jokester had given me the greatest gift of all.

"Here are some jokes." he said. "Some good comedy for ya."

Then he gave me a preview of the laughs that I would have before me. "What do the Tigers and Michael Jackson have in common?" he said. "I don't know," I said. Then came the all important punchline. "It's been a long time since either of them have had a hit. And they both wear gloves on their hand for no reason." Rimshot please!

I felt like I had just met a poor man's Soupy Sales. Either way, this man entrusted me with the only thing of value that he really has. And I feel obligated to share his wealth.

Keep in mind, that the views of Crazy Vagrant Jokester are not those of Empty Coconuts. Also, none of the jokes included have been edited, as Empty Coconuts does not believe in the censorship of artists. Yet, some are inappropriate for this blog, so I left them off. So, without further ado, let the laughter begin.

Humor about Hounds and other Animals

Q. What's got four legs and no ears?

A. Mike Tyson's Dog

Q. What does an Elephant and a Mick have in common?

A. Both come in quarts, gallons

Q. What do you get when you cross a polack with a chicken?

A. Square eggs

Q. If a robin is the state bird of Michigan, what is the bird of lovebirds?

A. Swallow

Q. What should the national bird of Iraq be?

A. Duck

Bonus Belly Laughs

Q. What's the difference between love and herpes?

A. Herpes is forever

Q. Why were some women given two lips?

A. So they can piss and moan at the same time

Q. What do some men and a beer bottle have in common?

A. Both Empty from the neck up

Humor for Health

Q. What do you call a good looking woman in Michigan?

A. tourist

Q. If the Detroit Lions don't win this year, going 0-42 in Superbowl appearances, Maybe they should get a new coach from Korea.

A. Win-One-Soon

Q. Whats dumber than a dutchman building a bridge in a desert?

A. A polack fishing off that same bridge.

Bonus Belly Laughs

Q. What's the difference between an attack animal known as Doberman Pincher and a woman with PMS?

A. Lipstick

Q. What's the difference between a fox and a dog?

A. About 6 beers

Q. What is an Irish famine?

A. "One beer" forget about potato famine

"Irish" "Dutch" "Polish"

Q. Whats the difference between an Irish wedding and Irish funeral?

A. One less drunk at the funeral

Q. What's the difference between a dutchman and a canoe?

A. A canoe is more likely to tip

Q. What is a small dutchman called?

A. Mini-Van

Q. What's black and burnt and hanging from your ceiling?

A. Polish electrician

Q. What takes 3 minutes and lasts 3 months?

A. Polish Bath

White skin humor

Q. What do you call a caucasian with half a brain?

A. a) lucky b)gifted

Q. What do you call a honky hitchhiking?

A. stranded

Q. You can trust a white man?

A. Just ask an indian (government)

"Three strikes your out"

All good things come to end humor

"One exception - eternal life. Got Religion?"

Okay, so there it is. Actually, I had to keep out some of it, because they were racial jokes that I didn't really want on this blog. If you would like them, let me know and I will email them to you. There is one that I think I can post though.

Q. How come Mexico can't field a summer olympic swimming team?

A. Anyone who can swim is already in this country (USA) from Mexico

I love how he thinks that Mexicans have to swim to reach the United States.

As you can see, all of this was comic gold. I'm sure the guy is mad that he gave them away.

Geeks Assemble!!!!

2008-07-17T20:59:00.003-04:00

It is only two hours away, at this writing. Of course I have a ticket to the midnight showing of "The Dark Knight." I've never been more excited about a movie in my entire life. And I simply can't wait another 12 hours. I've decided to brave the crowd, and the nerds, to see the 12:01 showing tonight.

To be honest, I'm looking forward to seeing whether or not people are going to be dressed up. In fact, I'm pretty much expecting to see a 'Joker' or two. I'll have my camera phone ready, should they be there.

And for those of you who are intending on making snarky remarks, Joe, NO, I am not going to dress up. I may be sort of a geek. But I have my dignity.

Either way, this movie is going to be awesome.

So, I've decided to write an article that nobody, other than myself, truly cares about. In fact, I expect most of you to go to some other website very soon, due to your lack of interest. Either way, here is my assessment of the 5 previous Batman movies, rated from worst to best.

5. Batman and Robin

This movie absolutely sucked. There is no other way to put it. Arnold Schwarzenegger as Mr. Freeze?!? Saying excellently scripted lines as, "Ice to see you," and "You're not sending me to the Cooler." George Clooney mails in his performance as Batman. And the Batsuit had nipples. Seriously. I'm disgusted to report that I actually own it on VHS. Maybe I'll just throw it away.

4. Batman Forever

Joel Schumacher took the reins as directer of the Batman franchise from Tim Burton here. And you could clearly see the difference. He change Burton's creepy version of Gotham City to a campy cartoon version, more reminiscent of the 1960's television program. Jim Carrey and Tommy Lee Jones are over the top, as villians The Riddler and Two Face respectively. And Val Kilmer never seemed to be a good fit to play The Caped Crusader. That said, if it were on TV on a Saturday afternoon, I'd probably watch it.

3. Batman

The original Batman is actually the one that I'm least familiar with. I've only seen it a few times, and that is mostly in bits and pieces. But there is something to be said for kicking the whole thing off. Obviously, Jack Nicholson's Joker is an icon. And, to me, the movie is all "Jack." You can't think about this movie and not get the image of his Joker in your head. I'll even forgive the inclusion of Robert "Arliss" Wuhl.

2. Batman Returns

The second Batman movie was always my favorite as a kid. Maybe it was because I owned it on VHS and would watch it occasionally. Maybe it was because I was really into Batman at the time, due to the Animated Series, on TV after school. Maybe it was Michelle Pfeiffer in skin tight leather. Either way, I always liked the story of The Penguin, an evil deformed criminal, trying to become mayor. Throw in Catwoman and Christopher Walken, and you can't go wrong. Until Christian Bale, Michael Keaton was easily the best Batman and he does a great job in this movie. It's still one of my favorites.

1. Batman Begins

The total revamping of the Batman franchise was necessary after George Clooney and Joel Schumacher nearly killed it with Batman and Robin. Here, Christopher Nolan goes back to the beginning. He explores where Batman came from. Why did Bruce Wayne become Batman? This movie is more focused on Batman/Bruce Wayne than any of the other movies, which preferred to focus on the villains. You get great performances from Michael Caine, Morgan Freeman, and Gary Oldman. Each of their characters, (Alfred, Lucious Fox, Commissioner Gordon) were given little to no (Fox) importance in the previous films. But this movie gives them depth. The idea of using two villains(Ra's Al Ghul, Scarecrow) that nobody but serious nerds (me) knew, was smart as well. I love this movie, and probably watch it once every couple of months.

There you go. That's it. Did that make you care about this at all? No? I don't really care. I'm a total nerd.

Give me a break

2008-07-16T11:49:00.004-04:00

I know, I know. Roger Clemens is a jerk. And Roger Clemens is probably a cheater. Does that really mean Roger Clemens should go to jail?

The government has been investigating whether or not Clemens purjured himself when he went in front of Congress a few months back. Personally, I can't think of a bigger waste of tax payers' money than investigating whether a baseball player lied under oath.

This isn't Bill Clinton in front of a grand jury here. We are talking about a baseball player.

The government has set a terrible precedent by involving themselves in the sports, well arena, for lack of a better term. Why are they involved in the first place? Sure, baseball had a huge mess to clean up. Many, probably most baseball players were taking steroids and/or performance enhancing drugs. But wasn't this ultimately baseball's mess? What was accomplished by giving Senators and Congressmen the opportunity to grandstand and lecture to Bud Selig, Donald Fehr, Mark McGwire, Jose Conseco, Roger Clemens and many more? Perhaps they put some pressure on the league to change. I'm of the mind that the league would have cleaned up the mess on their own. They clearly recognized the need to do so, and it appears that they are moving forward, steroid free.

Government spreads like the blob, devouring everything in its path. Recently, Senator Arlin Specter threatened to investigate the NFL over their handling of Spygate. Nevermind the fact that the New England Patriots had already been investigated and punished by the NFL for breaking the rules. Specter recently decided to drop his investigation.

I've watched many progams in the past like "Around the Horn" and "Pardon the Interruption" that call for the government to get involved in issues like this. I disagree with the premise. Professional sports leagues are their own corporations. They don't need Senators and Congressmen sticking their noses where they don't belong. This country has a lot of major issues facing it. Perhaps they should get together and lift the congressional ban on off-shore drilling to help lower gas prices. Stay out of our sports. And leave Roger Clemens alone. The man is already disgraced. Isn't that enough of a punishment?

You can read the story here: http://sports.espn.go.com/mlb/news/story?id=3491310

Pack(er) your bags

2008-07-14T12:16:00.004-04:00

Billy Packer is leaving CBS. He will no longer be calling basketball games alongside Jim Nantz. I think I speak for nobody when I say he will be missed. In the opinion of Empty Coconuts, Packer has been an awful analyst for the last several years. I don't know how he was many years ago when he worked alongside Dick Enberg and Al Maguire. Many people have said that they were a great team together. However, the Billy Packer I know takes all the fun out of college basketball. I for one am glad to see him go.

Clark Kellogg has been named to replace Packer alongside Nantz. I'm not sure how that decision will work out, as I don't recall hearing Kellogg announcing any games. I'm only familiar with his studio work.

Personally, I would have tapped Bill Raftery to work as the top announce team on CBS. Who among you doesn't want to hear Raftery at the Final Four saying things like, "Onionsuuh." "Send it in to the big fella!" or "We're going, mantoman!" I guess that dream will never come true.

You can read the article here. http://sports.espn.go.com/ncb/news/story?id=3485871

Grading the Tigers

2008-07-14T09:58:00.005-04:00

Jon Paul Morosi graded each of the Detroit Tigers at the All-Star break in his article for the Detroit Free Press today. You can read the article here. http://www.freep.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20080714/SPORTS02/307140002/1050/SPORTS02

When I read the headline, I decided to simply jot down my grades to compare with what Morosi came up with. Now, there was nothing scientific about how I did it. This is only the impression that I've been left with by each player based on watching the games. I didn't look at stats. Who has time for that? But I've watched enough games to determine a grade. Besides, I'm a teacher. I assign baseless grades for no reason all the time. Anyway, here is your chance to grade me. Who do you think is more accurate? Morosi, or the genius that is, Empty Coconuts?
(In the interest of space, I'm not going to comment on all players. Besides, who really wants analysis of Bobby Seay and Ryan Raburn anyway?)

Pitching Staff

Justin Verlander - SP
Empty Coconuts (EC) - B-
Jon Paul Morosi (JPM) - B+
I don't know how Morosie gives Verlander a B+. Though he has pitched well lately, he wasn't very good for the first two months of the season. Despite the fact that Rod Allen and Mario Impemba told us he was pitching well, I disagree. He has a losing record, yet Morosi nearly gives him an A. I can't do that.

Kenny Rogers - SP
EC - B
JPM - A-
My impression of Kenny is that he's done a fine job pitching this year. He's had some really good outings and a few bad ones. But he's been mostly good. Yet, in my opinion, only someone who's had a great year deserves an A. Kenny hasn't had such a year yet.

Nate Robertson - SP
EC - C+
JPM - B-
Typical Nate. He's an average pitcher, with good and bad outings. We were pretty close on this grade.

Armando Galarraga - SP
EC - B+
JPM - A+
While I understand that Morosi graded Galarraga simply on expectations, I am grading on performance. He has been a huge surprise, but he hasn't been an A+ pitcher. Tim Lincecum, Justin Duchsherer, and Cliff Lee are having A+ seasons. Galarraga is having a good rookie campaign. Let's not get crazy here.

Jeremy Bonderman - SP
EC - incomplete
JPM - B
Bonderman was hurt. He wasn't at 100% and doesn't have too many starts. I can't grade him, and don't know how Morosi ended up with a B. Where was this guy when I took chemistry in high school

Eddie Bonine - SP
EC - incomplete
JPM - B
2 good starts. 2 horrible starts. Not enough to grade on. I don't want him back after the All-Star break.

Todd Jones - RP
EC - A
JPM - B+
Jones has done his job, saving all but 2 games this season. Perhaps he deserves an A- from me, but I'll give him the bump for his impersonation of Magglio during the rain delay.

Joel Zumaya - RP
EC - B
JPM - A-
Zumaya has had a few shaky outings. Yet, his velocity is where it always was. He was dominant last week against the Mariners in 2 innings of work. He doesn't deserve an A. But he has been good enough for a B. I wouldn't be surprised if he earns the A by the end of the season.

Freddy Dolsi - RP
EC - B
JPM - A

Fernando Rodney - RP
EC - C
JPM - C

Casey Fossum - RP
EC - B
JPM - B-

Aquilino Lopez - RP
EC - B
JPM - A-

Bobby Seay - RP
EC - B
JPM - B-

Dontrelle Willis - SP
EC - F
JPM - F
How could Dontrelle score anything else here? Hopefully he will make it back to the big leagues some day. He has a great attitude and not so long ago had great stuff.

Position Players

Pudge Rodriguez - C
EC - B-
JPM - B+
I may be grading Pudge a little low here. He had a slow start to the season. But has since raised his batting average. He is still very good behind the plate and is hitting .288. The Tigers may want to think about bringing him back. He will still hit better than Brandon Inge.

Miguel Cabrera - 1B
EC - B
JPM - B+
Cabrera is a beast. There is no doubt in my mind about that. But I cannot discount the first part of the season where he was fairly brutal at the plate and even more brutal in the field. I'm looking forward to the Miguel Cabrera era in Detroit, but so far he has just been very good. Not great yet.

Carlos Guillen - 3B
EC - A-
JPM - A-
Guillen is a leader and an unselfish player. He has changed positions twice since last season without griping. He is becoming adept at third base, probably better than he was at shortstop. The Tigers lone all-star deserves an A.

Brandon Inge - Utility
EC - C+
JPM - B
What has Inge really done? Don't get me wrong, I love Brandon Inge. But he's been injured, hasn't played regularly, and hasn't done anything memorable.

Jeff Larish - 1B/DH
EC - Incomplete
JPM - B

Placido Polanco - 2B
EC - A
JPM - A
Polanco should be an all-star. His batting average has climbed above .300. He is phenominal with runners in scoring position and he still plays stellar defense. You know a guy is good when he has 6 errors and you think that is a ton.

Edgar Renteria - SS
EC - D
JPM - C
Who is Morosi watching at Shortstop? Because it isn't Edgar Renteria.

Ramon Santiago - IF
EC - B
JPM - A
He's been hurt for much of the year. Yet I will give him points for hitting much better than his career average with limited at bats. He still plays the best defense of anyone on the team. But not an A.

Curtis Granderson - OF
EC - B+
JPM - A
Granderson has been streaky. You have to take that into account when assigning a grade. Granted, his good streaks have been longer than his bad, but "The Franchise" is still learning what it takes to be an all-star. He'll get there.

Matt Joyce - OF
EC - B+
JPM - A-
Joyce is hitting a homerun every 10.4 at bats. Marcus Thames is hitting a homer every 10.8 at bats. That is impressive, even for a rookie. Plus, his homers have been meaningful. Maybe this is the left fielder of the future. But let's not forget Chris Shelton's homer tear in 2006. Where is that guy right now?

Ryan Raburn - Utility
EC - B-
JPM - B

Gary Sheffield - DH
EC - D
JPM - C+
I can't believe Morosi's grade for Sheff. I regret writing a retraction of my original article about Sheffield. Because nearly everything in the original has come true, with the exception of Leyland hitting him 3rd. Yet Leyland's insistance on playing him might be close enough. Bench him and give the youngsters a shot.

Marcus Thames - OF/DH
EC - A
JPM - A+
Why does this guy keep getting the shaft on playing time? Give him the job and the opportunity. If he loses it, at least you know that he isn't good enough. But why wonder about it?

Clete Thomas - OF
EC- B+
JPM - B+
If nothing else, Clete has proven himself to be a major leaguer. Maybe not a starter, but he belongs in the bigs.

Magglio Ordonez - OF
EC - A
JPM - A
There is no question that Magglio's absence has hurt the Tigers in the last two weeks. He is still their best player and probably their all-star had he not gotten hurt.

Jim Leyland - Manager
EC - B-
JPM - A-
A.D. from Chicago would probably give Leyland an F. But not me. Yet, there is no way Leyland deserves an A for this season. This team was supposed to be dominant. Now, I understand that the manager can't be blamed for the players lack of performance. He can be blamed for putting certain guys in certain situations. His handling of the pitching staff has been suspect. The insistance on playing Gary Sheffield is plain stupid. Pinch running for Miguel Cabrera in the 9th inning, despite the fact that his run doesn't matter, thus depriving him a chance of hitting the the 11th inning, is absolutely moronic. His strengths were never in game management, they are in motivation. The fact that this team hasn't shown urgency is on him. He is doing an OK job, but not a job deserving of an A.

Like I said, this isn't an exact science. But I think my grades are more accurate than Morosi's. He gave out almost all A's and B's. Which makes me wonder, if this team is full of only A and B players, why are they 47-47? I think this team has a run in them. They have been very good since the beginning of June. Yet, I think they've dug themselve too big of a hole to climb out of. There is hope though. Last season, the Tigers were on fire before the All-Star break. They had the best record in baseball, yet didn't make the playoffs. Could this happen to the Twins and the White Sox? I think so. I wouldn't bet money on it though.

Worst loss of the season

2008-07-10T17:11:00.004-04:00

The Tigers just completed what could be their worst loss of the season. One could not stress the importance of this four game series with the Minnesota Twins going into the All-Star break. They needed this game and they blew it at the worst possible juncture of the season.
The Tigers needed to win this first game. Now, they have to win 2 of 3 to earn a split in the series, which does nothing for them in the standings.
They took a commanding lead in the 4th inning when they took a 4 run lead, going ahead 6-2. Apparently, they thought the game was over, because the bats went quiet, leaving 12 men on base for the game.
Kenny Rogers gave up another run to make it 6-3. Followed by Fernando Rodney giving up a run and Todd Jones blowing the save in the 9th, giving up 2. Of course, Jones's blown save was helped by the Matt Joyce error that gave up a run and allowed the tying run to get to third base with no one out. This was instead of having runners on 1st and 2nd with nobody out. That is a totally different scenario for a pitcher to face. Either way, Jones deserves plenty of blame for the loss.
Realistically, the Tigers should have won this game in the bottom of the 9th inning. They had the bases loaded with 1 out, but Jeff Larish couldn't make contact and struck out, followed by a Pudge Rodriguez strikeout.
Something that needs mentioning here is the inexplicable decision by Jim Leyland to pinch run for Miguel Cabrera, despite the fact that Cabrera's run meant absolutely nothing. Carlos Guillen was the lead runner in the inning, and had he scored, the game would have been over. I turned to my dad at that point completely puzzled, as I figured they may need Cabrera in extra innings.
Predictably, when you give the Twins too many chances, they inevitably will beat you. The Tigers did just that, and Freddy Dolsi served up a homerun to Justin Morneau in the top of the 11th inning. It would have been nice to have Cabrera come up in the bottom half of the inning to tie the game, considering the tear he has been on. Unfortunatly, Jim Leyland overmanaged and deprived Miguel of that opportunity.
I'm so irritated by this loss. This game was in hand and they just blew it. Awful, awful, awful, awful loss. I'm disgusted. I hate the Twins.

Baseball Pet Peeves

2008-07-10T00:29:00.009-04:00

Looking at this year's baseball season, there are a ten things that have been bothering me. Perhaps they bother you as well, perhaps you haven't noticed them at all. But now that I point them out, I'm sure you will soon become annoyed by them too. They are the following.

1. "Here it is. Hit it."
This phrase is usually uttered by Rod Allen or Mario Impemba after a pitcher has thrown a fastball down the middle of the plate. I don't know what it is about this phrase, but I hate hearing it. It's a bad cliche that the FSN duo falls back on too often. I've heard them say it 6 or 7 times in a game. It is absolutely brutal and I can't stand it. Stop saying it. Or I'll be saying that about your face.

2. Random nicknames assigned by the announcers
This one started to bug me a few years ago when I listened to the Tigers on the radio. Every time Jeremy Bonderman pitched, I would hear radio color analyst Jim Price refer to him as Bondy. Bondy?!? Really? That is the worst nickname for Bonderman that anyone could come up with. Especially when the much more acceptable "Bondo" is the obvious choice. Well, apparently Mario Impemba is taking a class at the Jim Price school of broadcasting. He has taken to calling Curtis Granderson, "Grandy." Grrrrrr. It's like nails on a chalkboard. Or rubbing your bare dry foot on a steel fishing boat. Okay, I don't really know what that one means, but it really bugs me. Please, stick with just Curtis or Granderson.
SIDE NOTE: Doesn't Curtis Granderson deserve a really cool

nickname by now. Something like "The Franchise." That is what I think of when I think about Grandy, er Curtis. From now on, unless I hear something better, he is Curtis "The Franchise" Granderson. If this guy isn't "The Franchise," then I don't know who is.

3. Eric Young
As Jim Rome would say, "Eric Young on Baseball Tonight. Harsher than my goatee." Actually, that's Frank Caliendo as Jim Rome. But it doesn't take away from the fact that the guy is brutal. He can't get a coherant thought out of his mouth, constantly stumbling over his words. The guy may know baseball, but he doesn't have the talent for broadcasting. Seriously, where do they hire these guys? Isn't Karl Ravich, John Kruk and Tim Kurkjan/Buck Showalter/Steve Phillips enough? Do I have to be tortured with the Tim Hardaway of baseball analysts? Where is Rob Deere when you need him?

4. The Minnesota Twins
Has a team ever been more consistently irritating than the Minnesota Twins? This team seems impossible to beat in the Metrodome. They win off of good pitching and incredibly cheap hits. I really want someone to punch Carlos Gomez in the face. The guy is a talented Alex Sanchez, opting to bunt 17 times a game. I hate the Twins. But I have to admit, I love the way that they play. I think Ron Gardenhire might be the best manager in baseball.

5. Reruns of Major League on USA Network
I was able to catch a showing of Major League on HBO over the weekend. This is the first time I have seen this movie uncensored in years. My conclusion: The USA Network shouldn't show it because it cannot do it justice by censoring it. Much to my dismay, Dorn doesn't tell Vaughn to "strike this GUY out!" And Cerrano doesn't say, "I say FORGET you Jobu. I do it myself." I want my Major League with the swears. It's the only way to view it.

6. MLB players who voted for Jason Varitek to be an All-Star
This is a complete joke. Varitek was voted to the AL All-Star team by the players. Do these sound like All-Star numbers? He is hitting .220, with 7 homeruns and 28 RBI, with an on base percentage of .300. I don't care how well respected this guy is, he doesn't deserve to be anywhere near the All-Star game.

7. Jason Giambi's Moustache
This thing has gotten out of hand. Okay, I get it. You can grow a good moustache. And that's what really bugs me about it. Have you seen this thing? It's a great moustache. It rivals some of the great moustaches in history. Larry Bird, Sam Elliot, Geraldo Rivera, William Howard Taft, Hulk Hogan, Clue Heywood and of course Tom Selleck. Does Jason Giambi really belong is such awesome company? I'm not so sure. But if this continues, he's at least in the conversation.

8. Yogi Berra AFLAC commerical
How old is this commercial? I think it's been around for about 5 years. Yet, they continue to run it during baseball games. I'm sick of seeing it. I can actually recite the entire commercial in my head right now. "It's the one you need to have. If you don't have it, that's why you need it." I got news for you Yogi. I don't need it and I don't need you. Get rid of it. If you are going to continue to run this thing, why not bring back the Charles Barkley Right Guard Commercials. Because anything less would be uncivilized.

9. Edgar Renteria
This guy is so bad, that I've actually said the following words aloud: "The Tigers might as well start Ramon Santiago full time at Shortstop. He's a better shortstop and will probably hit better than Renteria." Boom. There it is. I said it. Renteria is so bad, he has me calling for Ramon FRICKING Santiago to start at Shortstop over him.

10. Ozzie Guillen/Lou Pinella Rap
Why does Chicago always come through with embarassing rap videos staring prominent sports figures? I don't think I need to say anything else. Just watch if you haven't seen it.

There is my list. Anything bothering you? Shout out.

Empty Coconuts Returns!

2008-07-09T16:28:00.005-04:00

A heartfelt apology is owed to my readers for not updating the blog over the past week. I was out of town for the 4th of July and haven't had much of a chance to write anything. Either way, I'm back. Hold your applause, please. It's not necessary.

MSU lands top center for 2009
http://www.detnews.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20080709/SPORTS0202/807090428/1132
According to the preceding article, the Spartans have landed one of that nation's top centers for their 2009 football recruiting class. Nate Klatt, a 4 star recruit, comes from Ohio. He joins a plethora of other 4 star recruits as Mark Dantonio attempts to build the MSU Football program. The 2009 class is currently ranked as high as 10th in the country. It appears to Empty Coconuts that the Spartans have things on the right track under Dantonio, who seems like the perfect pick for this program. It's a far cry from the following gentlemen on the clip below. I couldn't resist.

Miggy is a certified B.A. (and the B.A. doesn't stand for Bad Attitude)
Miguel Cabrera is awesome. Despite the fact that the guy isn't putting up numbers projected at the beginning of the season, he is clearly headed for greatness. Over the past week, he is batting .435 with 4 homeruns and 5 RBI. Now, he can't help that nobody is on base when he hits a homerun. What is so remarkable about this? He is playing with a strained hip flexor. He is clearly in pain and can barely make it around the bases. Yet that didn't stop him from hitting 2 dingers against the Indians on Tuesday night. I was one who was critical of the Cabrera trade early in the season. However, I think all Tiger fans will be satisfied with his play over the balance of his 8 year contract.

B.O. (Barak Obama) is a certified idiot
Wednesday, B.O. made a speech telling about how all immigrants should learn English. Yet, in the next sentence, he lamented that Americans should be the ones to learn Spanish. Why? Well, B.O is embarassed of America. He talked about how Europeans can speak different languages, yet most Americans can only speak one. He said they come over here and can speak German, English, French etc... and all we can say is "merci beaucoup." It's a good thing for us to learn spanish, so we can say "merci beaucoup." Which happens to be the way you say 'many thanks,' IN FRENCH. Complete idiot. Also, do you know why Americans only speak English? Because that is all we need to speak B.O.. English is the language of the world and we aren't that close to countries that speak different languages like Europe. Other countries learn to speak English, so they can do business with us, because we are the greatest country in the world. I swear, this guy proves his incompetance even further every day.

Waterworld II: The search for a brain
Never fear folks. In the event that the Earth is flooded by the oceans in a catastrophic nature, via the biggest lie ever perpetuated upon mankind (Global Warming), we have a safe place to go. Belgian architect Vincent Callebaut has designed floating cities for climate refugees to board and float around the world on. See below.

Now, this is the stupidest thing I have ever heard of. These cities will float around the world in the same manner that a lilypad floats on the water. They go wherever the oceans current takes them. Just imagine living on this thing when it floats to Antarctica for three years. That would be nice. Fortunately, this is yet another liberal wacko dream scenario. I don't know about any of you, but if my home happened to flood, (it won't, because global warming is a farce) then I will just move to a place that is not flooded. You can view the story at the link below.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-1031438/Pictured-The-floating-cities-day-house-climate-change-refugees.html

High Five!

2008-07-01T19:52:00.001-04:00

See more funny videos at Funny or Die

Simple, yet genius

The Case for Todd Jones

2008-06-30T17:11:00.005-04:00

Todd Jones. Yeah, I said it, and I'll say it again. Todd Jones. What images come to your head when you hear that name? Do you see homeruns? Basehits? Walks? Blown saves? Failure?

It appears to me that Todd Jones is one of the most despised athletes in Detroit history. Ask any Tigers fan what they think of Todd Jones, and the answer will invariably be, that he sucks. Or something to that effect. There are few athletes that draw the ire of Detroit fans more than Jones. On Saturday, Jones blew his first save of the season. He had converted 14 saves out of 14 save opportunities. Yet, on his 15th opportunity, Jones failed to get the job done. What did he receive for such an unforgivable act? A chorus of boos from the fans in attendance at Comerica Park.

Now, I think fans have the right to boo a player for any reason. After all, it is a free country. But does Jones really deserve this? It is the viewpoint of Empty Coconuts that Todd Jones is one of the most underappreciated athletes that Detroit fans have ever seen. This is a guy who should be embraced by baseball fans across the state, yet he is roundly criticized. He has accomplished a ton for a soft tossing reliever, yet many do not want to recognize that Todd Jones is very good at what he does.

When it comes to Todd Jones, there is only one question that you can ask. What is his job? Is his job to throw 100 mph fastballs? Is his job to strike out batters, 1-2-3? Is his job to electrify the crowd by being a flashy pitcher? The answer to all of these questions in a resounding no. His only job is to save baseball games.

And that is exactly what Jones has done during his time in Detroit. As previously stated, Jones has converted all but one of his save opportunities this season, saving 15 out of 16 games. Over his past three seasons, he has saved 90 ballgames for the Tigers. This is out of 103 save opportunities. Over his career, he has 316 saves, 232 of those with the Tigers. That is the Tigers record. He also holds the Tigers' single season saves record with 42 in the 2000 season.

Compare Jones save totals with some of the American Leagues' best closers over the past three years.

Francisco Rodriguez - 119

Bobby Jenks - 99

Jonathan Papelbon - 96

Joe Nathan - 95

Todd Jones - 90

Mariano Rivera - 86

Take K-Rod out of that scenario, and Jones is right there with a few of the top AL closers of the past three years. Yet Jones gets more blame for what he doesn't do, than credit for what he does do.

So, why does Jones arouse so much disdain from the fans? In my opinion, it is the way he goes about his business. Nothing about Todd Jones is flashy. He is drab. From his fu manchu mustache, to the taylored right sleeve of his uniform, nothing jumps out at you. Even his name, Todd Jones, is boring. I mean, how can you get excited about a guy named Todd Jones? You might as well have John Smith coming out of the pen in the bottom of the ninth. It doesn't have the ring of K-Rod, Papelbon, Eckersley, Goose Gossage or even his heir apparent, Joel Zumaya.

The only exciting thing I've seen him do was put on that Magglio Ordonez act during a rain delay last week.

Jones doesn't throw a 100 mph fastball, which everyone believes a closer must have to be successful. He also doesn't strike out a lot of batters. He pitches to contact. Give the guy some credit. He knows what his limitations are. He pitches to his strengths. He gives the batters something to hit, and lets his defense do the rest of the work.

The problem with this strategy, is that Jones is going to give up hits. And he is going to give up runs. Heck, I will concede that is ERA is a little high for a closer at 4.78. But it doesn't matter if he ultimately gets the save and his team wins, which tends to happens when he pitches.

He also doesn't walk many batters. His walk totals for the last three seasons are 11, 23, and 12 respectively. When you throw strikes out of the bullpen, you most likely are going to have success. It doesn't come as a surprise to me that when Jones gets into a jam, it is probably because he walked a batter.

I can understand the frustration of fans when they see runners on 1st and 2nd in the bottom of the ninth with one out. If that makes you nervous, then you should follow Jones' advice. Go to the refrigerator and get a bite to eat and something to drink. When you return, the game will be over and he will have done his job.

I have watched Jones entire career with the Tigers. None of this surprises me anymore. I am probably one of the few who is supremely confident that the game is over when he comes in from the bullpen. Detroit fans need to change their perspective on this guy. He is not a bum. For crying out loud, the guy is still having success at the age of 40. Jones will not be remembered as one of the greats. But he should be remembered as one of the very goods.

James Bond and the Quantum of Solace

2008-06-30T16:53:00.004-04:00

The first trailer for the new James Bond movie has just been released. It hits theaters November 7, and looks pretty awesome. Personally, I love the new Bond. He's a bona fide bad ass. I'm looking forward to this one.

Empty Coconuts Injured!!

2008-06-29T18:09:00.008-04:00

On Saturday I went canoeing on the Platte River. The Platte River is up north and it runs into Lake Michigan just south of the Sleeping Bear Sand Dunes.

While we were canoeing, we reached a point in the river when people were getting out of the canoes for a minute. It wasn't really a good spot to get out, as the current was fairly swift. Anyway, my brother was trying to steady the canoe so we could get out. Then he jumped out of the canoe. This caused the canoe to lose balance and sent me flying over the side.

As I fell out of the canoe, I banged my leg on the side and scraped it along the canoe. It hurt a little bit, but I didn't think much of it.

After our stop, we canoed the rest of the river. When we finished, our group set up a picnic site and the park. At this point, I looked down at my left leg and noticed that it was swelling up. It was somewhat larger than my right leg, but wasn't hurting at all. Of course, I had a few beers on the river, so maybe that's why I didn't feel anything. Anyway, I iced it a few times throughout the day. But as the day went on, it swelled up even more and became more painful.

During the evening, our group went down to a marina in Grand Traverse Bay. We had to walk out to the boat and I could barely make it. I was limping and barely able to walk. At that point, my brother convinced me that I should see a doctor.

I went to the doctor and he didn't say anything surprising. It was just a big bruise. They wrapped it, gave me crutches, as well as a couple of prescriptions for the swelling and pain. Today, the swelling has gone down some, and it isn't quite a painful, but I anticipate my leg being many shades of black and blue over the next few weeks.

It is also possible that the guy from Total Recall is going to pop out of my leg like he did that one guys chest. I wouldn't be surprised by that at this point. Anyway, I've included some pictures so you all can see how nasty my leg looks.

As you can see, it is pretty swollen.

I keep hearing a voice coming from my leg. It's telling me to vote for Barack Obama. I may have to amputate.

Mmmm. This Crow tastes good.

2008-06-26T00:55:00.007-04:00

Gary Sheffield has officially made my post from Tuesday irrelevant. I know, he has only played two games since returning from the disabled list. But he is showing no signs of injury and is back to hitting the crap out of the ball. Here are his stats over the past 2 games:

5 for 9

3 RBI

2 Runs

1 2B

1 HR

1 Game Winning Walk-Off Single

In baseball, you really can't make much out of what a player does in 2 games, but Sheff has basically made everything I said about him null and void. I had contended that injuries had derailed his career and he probably doesn't have anything left. Well, it appears to me that he does. He has looked great since coming off the DL and hopefully he keeps it up. The Tigers lineup with a healthy Sheffield becomes extremely scary. Gosh, now I know how Woody Paige feels.

UPDATE Thursday June 26, 2008 4:51pm

This guy keeps making me look bad. Sheffield hit the game tieing run in the bottom of the 9th inning. Thus allowing the Tigers to win the game in the bottom of the 10th. I'm going to be very careful with my Sheffield criticism from here on out.

George Carlin on Global Warming

2008-06-25T15:17:00.002-04:00

Yesterday, I was listening to Rush Limbaugh and he played a clip of the now deceased George Carlin talking about 'saving the planet,' in one of his stand up comedy concerts. Now I don't know a whole lot about George Carlin, and I don't know what his politics were (I'm assuming mostly liberal), but I found a clip of this on youtube.com and I think he makes a pretty good point about environmentalism and global warming. He gets a little athiestic toward the last half of the clip, but it doesn't really take away from the overall message that man-made global warming is an absolute farce.

WARNING: Some strong language is used in the clip.

Sheffield Returns Soon.....(Gulp)

2008-06-23T22:07:00.011-04:00

Who wants Sheffield?........Anyone?.........Bueller?............

Gary Sheffield has been on a rehabilitation assignment in Lakeland, Florida. He has been on the Disabled List since May 28, with a strained oblique muscle. Reports say he could join the Tigers as early as Tuesday. The question we have here at Empty Coconuts is, do the Tigers want Gary Sheffield back?

Sheffield is 39 years old and has shown his age this season. In 39 games, he is batting .213 with 3 homeruns and 12 RBI. Project those numbers over the remaining 87 games of the season and Sheff will end up with 10 HR and 38 RBI. These numbers are far below his career averages. Over his career, he has hit .294, and averaged 33 Homeruns and 107 RBI a season. On top of that, Sheffield is striking out at a greater rate than usual. In 2004, he struck out 83 times with the Yankees. That was the most strikeouts he has had in a season. In 2008, he is on pace to strike out nearly 100 times. He has struck out 30 times in 39 games. Project that over the remaining 87 and he will strike out 96 times. Even more mind boggling is when you project those numbers over a full 162 games season. Under that scenario, Sheff would strike out 124 times this year. Those numbers are incredible for a player of his stature.

(Side Note: I would like you to take a moment and marvel at the math I did in the previous paragraph. There was a lot of multiplication and division involved. Even though I used the calculator function on the computer, I feel as though I should be praised for using the proper equations.)

Injuries have played a part in the decline of Sheffield's play. Last season, he suffered an injury to his right shoulder when he collided with a teammate in the outfield. He hasn't been the same since. It appears that he has lost that pop that made him such a special player. He tends to drop his shoulder, causing him to pop the ball up frequently. He is not the feared hitter in the lineup that he once was.

One of the major problems that the Tigers face is squeezing Sheffield back into their every day lineup. Clearly, this team has been playing exceptional baseball without him, winning 12 of their last 15 games. Where do you put him in this lineup? He cannot hit in the top half of the batting order. The 3,4, and 5 spots (Guillen, Ordonez, Cabrera) are set and not subject to change. Marcus Thames has been on an absolute tear and deserves to be hitting behind, and protecting Miguel Cabrera in the 6 spot. That leaves a very proud player in Sheffield hitting 7th, at best in this lineup.

The other problem with this scenario is Jim Leyland's man-love for Sheffield. Will he hit him 7th? Or will he force feed him back into the 3 spot in the batting order? The guess here is the latter. Leyland is of the mind that Sheffield is still a great player, who just needs to get it going. I seriously doubt that is going to happen. Whether they want to believe it or not, his shoulder is in bad shape and he is not the same, fearsome hitter he once was.

Bringing Sheffield back also creates a flexibility problem with the lineup. He has to be the Designated Hitter. He can do nothing else on this team. That was proven at the beginning of the season when they put him in left field. His shoulder injury prevents him from throwing well in the outfield. While he was out, Leyland was able to create some different lineups, moving pieces around as needed. For instance, Magglio Ordonez has played in every game this season. But not in the outfield. He has been able to DH periodically, and that has kept him fresh. Carlos Guillen's knees also need the occasional rest from playing the field. He can do that as DH. Add Marcus Thames to the DH platoon because of his brutal (but improving) defense and Miguel Cabrera because of his fat.

It has been argued here that the lack of cohesion with this team was a major problem at the beginning of the season. Players were being moved all over the place, which created chemistry issues, thus causing the team to lose ball games. Jim Leyland says chemistry is a class you take in high school. With all due respect, that is the stupidest thing I have ever heard and we are all dumber for having heard it. But no offense Jim. Chemistry matters in all team sports, including baseball. Slotting Sheff back into this lineup is not as easy as it sounds. If he comes back and isn't hitting, then the Tigers have a huge problem on their hands. The guy is making $14 million. It will be hard to justify sitting him on the bench. Sheffield is too moody for that to happen. Are they going to send him to Lakeland with Dontrelle Willis? Yeah, Gary Sheffield is going to accept that assignment. And pigs are going to fly while hell is freezing over and I am running a 5K. They all have the same likelihood of happening.

So, unlike Tigers brass, I am looking at Gary Sheffield's return with a lot of caution. This team is playing well and bringing him back could jeopardize that. It makes me nervous. And you wouldn't like me when I'm nervous. Seriously, I bite my fingernails. I say things like, "I'm so nervous I could fly." But I say it in a cool way. It can still be really annoying though.

Needless to say, if Sheff returns and starts knocking the cover off the ball, hits laser homers, and drives in runs like crazy, forget everything you've read here. I'll even buy myself one of those rad chef hats.

Are you with us?

2008-06-20T11:29:00.004-04:00

Crazy Breakfast Lady
I went over to Perkins this morning for breakfast. There is really nothing worse than eating at a restaurant by yourself. But sometimes you just have to do it. Anyway, whenever I go to breakfast by myself I always take something to read. I don't just want to sit there looking off into space while drinking a cup of coffee. You look like a psycho doing that.
Anyway, I got a USA Today out of the Newspaper dispenser. While I was getting the paper, a family of four walked into the restaurant. There was a mom, a daughter and two teens/college age kids. I continued on in, behind them. I heard the hostess say, "four of you?" Then I walked in and the hostess said "five?"
Now, I wasn't with this party. I had never seen these people in my life. But the lady, I'm assuming the mom, looked at me and said, "are you...?" I can only guess that she was thinking "are you with us? Look dude are you eating with us or not?"
I thought this was really odd. Why would I eat with you? I don't know you. I have never seen you before in my life. I actually had to say to this lady, "no, I'm eating by myself."
I think she was actually a little disappointed that I wasn't going to eat with them. Maybe she's really into meeting new people. I would like to meet some new people, just not at the breakfast table. That's just ridiculous.
I'm sure they are incredibly nice people and have a lot of great things to offer. But on this day, I preferred to eat alone. So, I ate my eggs, read my newspaper and drank my coffee. And when I left the restaurant, I made sure to avoid eye contact with the lady and her family. Who knows? Maybe they would have invited me over for dessert.
First we had Crazy Dragon Lady, then Crazy Parrot Lady, and now Crazy Breakfast Lady.

Wipeout!!

2008-06-19T22:50:00.002-04:00

Has anyone seen the commercials for this new show on ABC called Wipeout? Its like one of those Japanese gameshows where people run through different obstacle courses. The thought here is that this show doesn't have much of a shelf life. You can only watch someone go flying into the mud so many times.
But wouldn't it be fun to go through the obstacle course yourself. I think that would be a blast. I would love to do that.
Craig's Cruisers is a place here in Grand Rapids that has Go-Karts, Laser Tag and an Arcade. Wouldn't it be awesome if they added an obstacle course? I would max out tickets on that thing. For some reason, I actually think that is a good idea. Not some stupid obstacle course that anyone can do. But a legitimate obstacle course, ala Wipeout where you go flying into a pit of mud if you get knocked off. I imagine you would have to sign some sort of waiver form in case you break you neck. We can't have Craig's Cruisers getting sued. I might suggest that to them the next time I am in there.
Oh, and no cargo nets on the obstacle course. Cargo nets just aren't fun for anyone.

Big Ten Network and Comcast Strike Deal

2008-06-19T22:23:00.003-04:00

In probably the most predictable move of the summer, Comcast and The Big Ten Network finally reached a deal. The Big Ten Network will be carried in houses that subscribe to Comcast's cable services.

Next year, Big Ten fans will actually be able to watch their teams play football and basketball. Wow, what a novel idea. This is a big win for all of you UM and MSU fans. You will actually be able to watch your teams games this year. Sorry for those of you who sprung for Direct TV or Dish Network. Now everyone will be able to watch the games in the comfort of their own homes, instead of a chafing barstool.

Well, everyone except for me. You see, my stupid apartment complex has their own cable system. And their stupid cable system does not, and probably will not, carry the Big Ten Network. So, I will most likely be forced to watch games at B-dubs, by myself, looking like an incredible loser again.

I just want to watch MSU football and basketball games on my couch. Is that too much to ask? Anyone who has watched an MSU basketball game with me knows that I'm not to be trusted with keeping my composure in public. I want to scream at my TV. I want to foam at the mouth when Marquise Grey gets out-rebounded by a 6-3 point guard. I want to throw items at the wall. I want to have extreme hissy fits when I feel the referees rob MSU of wins against Wisconsin. I want to fall to the floor and roll around like Rasheed Wallace when the refs miss a call or someone makes a bonehead play. I can't really do these things at the bar. I mean, I guess I probably could, but it would most likely be frowned upon.

So, what seems like a big win, for Comcast, BTN, and many Big Ten fans is not so for me. For I live in Green Ridge Apartments. What are the chances of them reaching deal with the Big Ten? Maybe next summer. Dare to dream.

Tiger & Tigers

2008-06-18T11:20:00.002-04:00

Tiger out for the season

We won't see Tiger Woods on the golf course until next year. Woods is having season ending surgery to repair a torn ACL in his left knee. Doesn't this make his performance in last week's US Open even more remarkable? We thought he was limping because of the arthroscopic knee surgery he underwent a few weeks ago. In actuality, he had a torn ACL. Tiger Woods won the US Open with a torn ACL!!! Are you freaking kidding me? What would he have shot if his knee was right? The rest of the PGA has to be foaming at the mouth. It's a shame because Tiger was playing the best golf of his career at the beginning of the year. I'm sure he will be back and as good as ever after his surgery.

Tigers on a roll
I've waited as long as possible to write this article. One reason is because I wrote a post back in April talking about how the Tigers turned it around. That, of course was not true. And I am not going to say that they have turned it around yet today. But they are clearly on a roll. As of the time of this writing, the Tigers have won 10 of their last 12 games. Their starting pitching has been stellar and their bats have clearly woken up.

What was an incredibly boring team to watch just two weeks ago, has become the team that everyone expected them to be in February. They are playing hard. They are hitting with runners in scoring position. The pitching has been very good, despite the fact that they lost 2/5 of their starting rotation, likely for the season.

Outside of Josh Hamilton and Milton Bradley in Texas, one could argue that Armando Galarraga has been the most pleasant surprise in baseball. With Wednesday's win, his record improved to 7-2. Not bad for a guy who wasn't known outside of his parents living room before this season. It can be said at this point in the season and Galarraga is no fluke. He clearly knows how to pitch in this league. Besides that, he appears to resemble a certain blogger who shall remain nameless. (Seriously, doesn't this guy look at least a little bit like me? I swear, we could be twins.)

That being said, the Tigers still have a long road ahead of them. They trail the Chicago White Sox by 6 games. But there is a ton of games left in the season. The team has worked themselves back into contention, but they cannot afford any slip ups or extended losing streaks from this point on. At the very least, they have become watchable again. Oh yeah, and the oft criticized Miguel Cabrera is a certified badass. I can't believe that I ever criticized that guy. He can hit. I think he is finally comfortable in Detroit, and that is showing on the diamond.

American Solutions

2008-06-14T10:35:00.004-04:00

If you haven't done this already, please go to americansolutions.com and sign the petition there. American Solutions is a cause set up by Newt Gingrich. He has a ton of ideas for how to make this country a better place. Currently, there is a petition on the site that will be sent to congress. The petition asks congress to lift the moratorium on new drilling in the United States. The idea behind this is that if we drill now, it will make the United States energy independent and drive down gas prices. By 2015, China's demand for oil will be 4 times what it is today. If we are relying on the same oil supply, WE ARE SCREWED. Don't let liberal hacks tell you that we won't recieve a drop of oil for 10 years from places like ANWR. If we keep waiting, that day will still be 10 years away. As of this writing 738,000 people have signed on. If you have not signed yet, please do so. Maybe we will get the attention of those fat cats in Washington.

This is a rivalry???

2008-06-14T09:27:00.003-04:00

I have to admit, I haven't watched much of the NBA Finals this season. I'm not really sure why. It could be that I lost interest in the NBA after the Pistons were knocked out of the playoffs. It could be that the games start irritatingly late in the evening. Seriously, can't we get a seven o'clock start? Some of us have to milk the cows in the morning. It also could be that the games have been incredibly boring to watch.

The NBA, and the media are guilty here. They built up the rivalry between the Celtics and the Lakers. We can't miss this. The NBAs greatest rivals going at it in the Finals for the big prize. They talked about Magic, Worthy, Bird, McHale, Kareem, and Parrish. Well, I've got news for the NBA. Those guys aren't walking through the door. The fact of the matter is, there is no rivalry here. Sure, there is a rivalry between franchises. There is a rivalry between fans. I'm certain Laker fans hate the Celtics and Celtic fans hate the Lakers. But that doesn't translate to the court. I guess Fisher/Rondo, Kobe/Allen, and Gasol/Garnett doesn't have the same ring as Magic/Bird, Parrish/Jabbar, or Worthy/McHale.

Keep in mind that I was all of 3-6 years old during the hayday of this rivalry in the eighties. But in my opinion, the thing that made it great was that the players hated each other. They seemed to meet in the Finals every year and both teams badly wanted the NBA Title. The rivalry erupted into physical confrontations every so often. The series saw hard foul after hard foul. One of the great images in the rivaly was Kevin McHale nearly decapitating Kurt Rambis in 1984. Tempers flared and the benches cleared. This is classic NBA action.

What is the NBA Finals reduced to today? Paul Pierce crying like a baby and leaving the court on a wheelchair, only to return 5 minutes later ready to play. That guy would have gotten zero respect in the 80's.

We have to watch that creepy split screen commercial with fat Magic and fat Bird talking about the NBA Title. For crying out loud, the NBA can't even sell this thing with today's players. They have to bring back the classics. Maybe it's just me, but is it wise to sell a product by reminding us how great it once was, and how the current thing can't live up to that legacy. "In case you are not impressed with this crappy matchup, let us remind you of how great Magic and Bird were. The NBA, it's Fantastic!"

There are no extended rivalries in the NBA anymore. Free Agency has ruined that. Players from opposite teams are buddies. Rarely do we even see a hard foul anymore. And when we do, someone gets suspended.

It made me sick watching Rasheed Wallace hugging Kevin Garnett before and after the Eastern Conference Finals games. Screw that stuff. You need to kick the crap out of that guy. You may be friends with him, but you need to hate him for the next two weeks.

As it is, the NBA and the media got what they wanted. Lakers/Celtics does have a nice ring to it. It sounds right. After all, isn't that what the NBA Finals should be? Two great franchises going at it on the grandest stage. Unfortunatly, hype isn't reality. This series is boring.

Until the Lakers and the Celtics meet in the Finals three years in a row, share Championships and start knocking each others heads off, don't try and sell me this rivalry. It just isn't there anymore.

All aboard the D-Train

2008-06-10T16:20:00.004-04:00

Monday Nights Box Score

1.1 IP
3 Hits

8 ER

5 BB

2 SO

2 HR

You heard it here first folks. Dontrelle Willis sucks.

The bigger question is, what do you do with this guy? He's scheduled to make 22 million over the next two years. He can't find the strike zone. Jim Leyland doesn't know when to pull him out of the game, allowing him to give up 8 earned runs. Absolutely terrible. They cannot continue to run him out there every 5 days. Apparently, he is being sent to Lakeland to work with an specialist. Whatever. His career is done. Unless he learns how to play centerfield ala Rick Ankeil, I wouldn't expect much out of him.

Side Note: Would somebody please pass this post along to Mario Impemba and Rod Allen because they apparently don't know it. They kept talking about how Dontrelle was on the right path because of his previous 4 innings, 5 walks, 0 earned performance against the Oakland A's. Despite the fact that he couldn't get the ball over the plate. There is nothing more irritating than watching a game and knowing more about the event than the announcers. I've been called a homer in my day, but these two take the cake. They're approaching Fred McLeod levels of homerdom.

Pistons hire Michael Curry

2008-06-10T15:31:00.003-04:00

The Pistons hired Michael Curry as their new head coach this week. Empty Coconuts has no real strong opinions about this hire. I do not think its a great hire, nor do I think its a terrible hire. Ultimately, I'm not sure this hire is going to even matter.

In the NBA, coaches enter and exit through a revolving door. This is no more evident than in Detroit. Flip Saunders was the first coach since Chuck Daly to head the Pistons for 3 full seasons. Successful (kind of) coaches, such as Rick Carlisle, Larry Brown, and Flip have all been fired before their contracts were up. What makes me think that Curry will fare any better?

For those who do not think Curry is capable of coaching in the NBA, consider the following. Joe Dumars said last week that he would break up the core of the Pistons if the right deals came along. This leads me to believe that they will not contend for the NBA title next season. They will not contend the following season. Maybe they will contend in 3 years. The bottom line is that Curry is a bridge coach. He is not going to be around should this team reach a level capable of winning an NBA title. When the Pistons become good enough, they will fire Curry and find someone better.

If Curry is somehow a good coach, then the previous paragraph doesn't matter. The Pistons will have found a diamond in the rough.

The NBA is full of retread coaches. What is the difference between Michael Curry, Flip Saunders, Rick Carlisle, Avery Johnson, Mike Dantoni, and Terry Porter? The only difference is that none of these coaches have won an NBA Title, but Curry is the only one who hasn't had the opportunity as a head coach. Why not give a new guy a chance?

Unless you are hiring one of the elite coaches, there is no difference from one guy to another. Only 6 different coaches have won an NBA title since the 1986-87 season. They are Pat Riley, Chuck Daly, Phil Jackson, Rudy T., Gregg Poppovich, and Larry Brown. I would consider all of these guys great coaches. Yet NBA teams continue to hire guys who have never won a thing and expect them to bring Championships to their towns - George Karl, Rick Adelman, Don Nelson, Rick Carlisle, Mike Dunleavy, P.J. Carlesimo, Stan Van Gundy, Scott Skiles, Lenny Wilkins, Mike Fratello, etc... How some of these guys continue to get jobs is beyond me.

The Pistons need to get back to hard nose defense. That is what won them the NBA Championship in 2004. They have gotten away from this. They still play good defense, but not great defense. Great defense wins Championships. Look at all of the Spurs' titles over the last few years. It also appears that the Celtics will win it all this year by playing stellar defense. Curry was a great defensive player. I can only hope that he brings that philosophy as a coach. The Pistons lost some of that under Flip Saunders. Hopefully Curry will bring that back. I'm not sure it will happen, but doesn't someone new deserve a shot?

Don't scare a brother

2008-06-03T19:20:00.002-04:00

I caught the first one on America's Funniest Home Videos. I guess the old adage is true. You should never scare a brother. For the record, I think the first one is funnier.

Much ado about....Hockey????

2008-06-03T17:34:00.004-04:00

I can't believe I'm actually writing about hockey. But I am finding the sport interesting again. I used to be a pretty big hockey fan. I followed the Red Wings all through the '90s. One of my fondest sports memories was watching Steve Yzerman score from the blue line in double overtime to knock out the St. Louis Blues in 1997. The Wings of course, went on to win the Stanley Cup that year.

I was still a pretty big fan up through the turn of the century. When they won the cup again in 2002, I watched, but my excitement for the sport was fading. The reason I stopped watching was not the strike, to which a lot of people attribute their contempt toward the sport. What turned me away, fairly or unfairly, was that I percieved that the Red Wings were trying to "buy" championships (see New York Yankees). They were signing guys like Brett Hull, Luc Robataille, and Chris Chelios. They traded for Dominik Hasek. It just seemed to me that these guys were hired guns looking for a cup at the end of their careers. I had always chided the Yankees for employing such tactics when putting together a team. So, likewise, it bothered me that the Wings were doing the same.

One of my favorite things in sports is watching a team being built from the bottom to the top. I enjoyed watching the Pistons make shrewd trades and developing chemistry before winning the NBA title in 2004. I had been watching the crappy Tigers for years and it was really exciting when they put it together in 2006, going to the World Series. It was awesome watching the Wings win in '97 because they had been on the doorstep for the many years and finally broke through. Ditto for the Pistons of the 1980's. (FYI - this is something that drives me crazy about the Tigers this year. They are full of hired guns. Most of which aren't producing)

Anyway, I've found myself tuning in more and more during the Stanley Cup Finals. I watched most of regulation of Game 5, which the Wings lost in 3 overtimes. I'm starting to remember what I liked about hockey. Especially playoff hockey. The crowd was pumped. There was hard hitting. The Wings had a ton of scoring opportunities and you could feel the tension and excitement in the building. Even as the clock wound down in the 3rd period, I still didn't think the game was over. Obviously not. The Penguins scored with 37 seconds left to tie the game and won 3 OTs later. I tried to stay up and watch it, but couldn't. These games start too late. Don't these people know I have to work?

I honestly think that the Wings losing that game is great for hockey and the NHL. It extends a series that is getting really intriguing. It is bringing in fans to watch it. Hell, I'm watching it. And I've sworn off hockey. After watching the other night, I wonder why I ever did that. It makes me wish that I had been watching all season. I even think I will be next year. Maybe I'll even know the names of the players. When did they get rid of Yves Racine, Ray Sheppard and Paul Ysabart? Go Wings!

"That's the end, man."

2008-05-31T10:43:00.003-04:00

No kidding. Of course that's the end, man. Rasheed Wallace's words ring pretty true, here at Empty Coconuts and across the state of Michigan. The Pistons blew a 10 point 4th quarter lead in a game reminiscint of Game 7 of the 2005 NBA Finals against the San Antonio Spurs. They lacked focus down the stretch, making terrible turnovers and taking awful shots. The Pistons run as perennial underachievers, (or overachievers, I'm not sure which) is over. I would expect some changes to this team next year.

What happened?

The first thing that jumps out at me about this team is attitude. They are guilty of extreme overconfidence. They've always overestimated their place in the NBA pecking order. This is a team that talked about how great a team they were. If I had a sandwich for every time I have heard Chauncey Billups say that if they play their game, they will win. Give me a break.

What are we really left with here. You can count their NBA Championships on one finger. I've heard announcers talk for years about all this experience that the Pistons can draw on. How they've been in every situation possible. So what. They never did anything with that experience. What good is experience if you don't use it to your advantage. It means nothing if you don't win. The Buffalo Bills had the experience of playing in 4 straight Super Bowls. Did their "experience" help them win anything. No. The Pistons of the last few years are the Buffalo Bills of the NBA. A good team, but never good enough to win it all.

This doesn't even address the issue of whining. The Pistons have become the whiniest bunch of babies this side of the maternity ward. They complain about every call. They never commit a foul. They are always being fouled. Call this the "Sheed Effect." Whether they admit it or not, his attitude towards the referees has rubbed off on the entire team. I swear, if I see Tayshaun Prince throw his arms up after not being fouled again, I am going to throw my shoe through the TV screen. Stop whining, and start playing. Too many times I've seen these guys let the refs take them out of their game.

Stop making friends with your opponents. Stop shaking their hands and hugging them before and after the game. You can be friends when the series is over. While you are playing, you need to hate them. You need to knock them on their ass. This is what was so great about the NBA in the 1980's. The teams didn't like each other. The Celtics and Pistons came to physical confrontations several times during those runs. Isiah led his team off the floor and refused to shake hands when they lost to the Bull in 1991. I think you need to hate your opponent. It makes you want to beat them even more. Had the Pistons not been caressing Kevin Garnett and the other Celtics, maybe they could have beaten them.

Changes??

I would imagine that this team will face some changes this summer. It is hard for me to pinpoint exactly what needs to be done. Because this team is full of good basketball players. I don't really think the issue is talent. Every team reaches a point when they become complacent. The Pistons talk like they want to win, but their play doesn't reflect what their mouths are saying. So, what do they do.

The main cog that people think will be gone is Rasheed Wallace. His contract is up following next season. Expiring contracts can fetch you some good players in the NBA, as teams look to relieve cap space. It is probably time for Rasheed to move on. I've enjoyed watching him in Detroit, and don't have any ill will toward him. But his act has grown tired. We need a guy who is going to show up when it matters, and you can't necessarily count on Rasheed to do this. The guess here, and everywhere else is that he is gone.

Flip Saunders, fairly or unfairly, will likely be dismissed. I think Flip's biggest problem is that he isn't fiery enough for this team. He would work well on a team that has emotional leaders who get the players pumped up. But it seems too many times, the players on this team would just go through the motions. Say what you want about Doc Rivers as a coach, he had his players motivated. Flip may just be a little too laid back. It wouldn't bother me if he returned or if he is let go. After all, the Pistons are not going to win anything for a few years anyway.

Beyond those two guys, it is hard to say who else will go. The guess here is that Rip Hamilton is traded away, perhaps for a draft pick or two. Rip is one of the best shooters in the game, so he brings value. Rodney Stuckey looks too good to hold down. So that leaves Rip expendable.

The Pistons need to continue the infusion of youth into the lineup. They do not need to overhaul the team. A couple of significant tweaks could make them contenders again in 2-3 years. Give guys like Stuckey, Jason Maxiel, Aaron Afflalo, and Amir Johnson larger roles on this team. Bring in a low post scorer and continue to develop the bench.

This team needs to get hungry. They need to find the Eye of the Tiger. By mixing it up, hopefully they will be able to do that. They have lost in the Eastern Conference Finals 3 years in a row. The team as constituted is not working. They have to do something. I'm sure Joe Dumars knows that. If nothing else, it will be an interesting summer.

This guy has a Phd in Stupid

2008-05-30T20:15:00.004-04:00

I'm not sure that I need to say anything. This guy is so incredibly scary it is unbelievable. If you are planning on voting for Obama, I hope you know what you are getting into. I may have to rethink my pledge to withhold my vote for McCain. Obama is too irresponsible to be given such an important position. His intellect and reasoning on this issue is that of a 3rd grader. Can you imagine not developing our weapon systems and getting rid of nuclear missiles. This is the most moronic thing I have ever heard.

Detroit Tigers Analysis

2008-05-29T17:28:00.005-04:00

It has become apparent to me that the Detroit Tigers, as constituted will not win anything. They will not win their division. They will not go to the playoffs. And they certainly will not win the World Series. Quite frankly, this is not a good baseball team. I'm conflicted when I think about the way this team was put together. I was so excited about all of the moves that this team made in the off season and envisioned them winning upwards of 95 games this year, along with the AL Central and the World Series. That is not going to happen.

This team was supposed to be incredible. How did they get here? Here is my analysis.

Let's look at some of the moves made in the off season.

Traded Pitcher Jair Jurrjens and Gorkys Hernandez to Atlanta for SS Edgar Renteria

Guh. This trade bugs me today. Actually, when I think back to it, I wasn't overly excited for it at the time it was made. I wasn't necessarily against it, but wasn't for it either. This bottom line is, according to the way the lineup is today, this trade was totally unnecessary. Jair Jurrjens was very good in his stint with the Tigers last year. In my opinion, he is going to be a very good pitcher. I did not like seeing him go. Gorkys Hernandez was the Tigers #1 position player prospect not named Cameron Maybin. He would have been the starting left fielder in 3 years. I never saw him play, but from all accounts, he is going to be a good major league player.

What did we get? An aging Shortstop who has no range and is a streaky hitter. I can see why they hate Edgar Renteria in Boston. He just isn't all that good. The organization gave up two of their top five prospects for a player who won't be on the roster next season.

Traded Pitcher Andrew Miller, OF Cameron Maybin, C Mike Rabelo and three minor leaguers for 3B?1B?OF?DH? Miguel Cabrera and Pitcher Dontrelle Willis

I have to admit it on this one. I was pumped. I bounced around my apartment for twenty minutes after I heard about this trade. I even sat down and filled out a lineup card. What a nerd? What I didn't foresee is that Dontrelle sucks (how did I miss that?). And Cabrera is an absolutely terrible third basemen (how did Dave Dombrowski miss that?). They gave up two supposedly can't miss prospects for an unusable pitcher, and a player who is a box of twinkies away from needing a golf cart to get around the bases. Not that I think Cabrera is a bust. Although he hasn't been that good with the Tigers so far, I'm confident that he will be an excellent player over the length of the contract. The problem is that he doesn't seem to fit this team. At least not as its currently constructed. What's worse, this trade esentially made the Renteria trade pointless. Cabrera HAD to move to first, pushing Guillen to third. They could have left him at SS and kept Jurrjens and Gorkys. The organization would have been better for it.

The Tigers have had to scramble to rearrange their infield. Think about the turmoil on this team. At the end of last season, they moved Carlos Guillen from shortstop to first base. They brought in Edgar Renteria to play short. They acquire Cabrera to play third, displacing the best defensive third basemen in baseball, Brandon Inge. Cabrera proves inept at third and they have to move him to first. Thus moving Carlos Guillen to third. Wow. It appears to me that these acquisitions have created more problems on this team than they are worth.

Oh, don't forget that they don't have a left fielder because Jacque Jones, another off season acquisition couldn't hit his weight. So, the Tigers are left with a platoon in left.

Just writing this has given me some clarity to what has happened. There is no stability on this team. There is too much change. Jim Leyland is grasping at straws. They have too many first basemen and designated hitters.

And the worst part is, not one of these moves was absolutely necessary. The Tigers were a good team that underachieved last year, much of which was due to injuries. Had they stood pat and maybe added a quality starter, then they would be better for it. Instead, they acquired a bunch of sluggers (who are only slugging every 5 games), rather than putting together a lineup. Have they learned nothing from the Yankees over the past 5 years?

Think about the prospects that they gave up in all of these deals. Maybin, Miller, Gorkys, Jurrjens, Dallas Trahern, and Eugelio de la Cruz. What did they really get? An old shortstop who doesn't hit and has no range in the field. An, at best, number 5 starter in Dontrelle Willis. Does anyone really think he's going to be a productive player? Not me. And a fat projected future hall of famer in Miguel Cabrera, provided his huge contract doesn't make him complacent. So, here is my question. How many people think the Minnesota Twins would have accepted an offer of any 2-3 of those prospects, provided one was Miller or Maybin for Johan Santana? The team we had in October, plus Johan Santana would be infinitely better than the team we have today. A 1-2 punch of Santana-Verlander would be imposing for opponents. Throw in Kenny Rogers, Bonderman and Jair Jurrjens, and you would have a damn good pitching staff and baseball team.

Signed Nate Robertson and Dontrelle Willis to long term contracts

Why? .......(scratching head)...............uh..............huh?

Solutions?
Give it up this year. It is done. Not gonna happen. Oh, and next year, forget about that too. What sucks is that this team was built to win this year and next year.

They need to make some major moves at the trade deadline. They can rebuild this team and be back in two years. Get younger, faster and hungrier. But they have to be willing to depart with some major pieces.

So, who gets traded?

Carlos Guillen

Why? Because he is one of the few who has value. And he won't be useful to them in two years, when this team gets back on track. He's 32 years old now, with bad legs. He is headed for a DH role, which means that he won't be able to play on a team that has Miguel Cabrera in two years.

NOTE: Speaking of injuries, he was given Wednesday off because of hemorrhoids. Now I've heard everything.

Magglio Ordonez

Ordonez probably has 4-5 good years left in baseball. Maybe more. But they can get some great pieces for this guy from the right team. They would have a ton of leverage because they don't have to trade him. What contender wouldn't want to add a big time slugger like Magglio to their lineup? The Tigers could probably add a future front end pitcher in any deal that includes Ordonez. Exactly what they need.

Gary Sheffield

Wishful thinking. Pray like hell that Gary gets hot when he comes off the DL, then trade his ass for whatever you can get. Eat his contract if you have to. The guy is an albotross on this team. He can't hit or play the field, but Leyland refuses to sit him. If he comes out hitting, ship him off before he can say steroids.

Jeremy Bonderman

In the always controversial Anthony Dinello's opinion, Bonderman should have been the guy who went in the Renteria trade. Not Jurrjens. I totally agree with that. Jurrjens will be a better pitcher than Bondo. I'm also certain that Atlanta would have taken that deal. Bonderman is still young, but he has been in the big leagues for 5 seasons. Has he made any demonstrable improvement since years 2-3? I would say no. He continues to be "working" on his change-up. I'm not holding my breath for that happen. Bonderman is what he is. A good pitcher who has flashes of brilliance as well as misery. If he strings together a few good starts and his stock rises, get something for him.

The Tigers need some help. I lauded Dave Dombrowski for making bold moves this past off season. I love that he is going for it. I don't necessarily blame him for the moves that he's made. He wants to win. But he has to face facts. This team isn't going to do it. It's time for him to make some more bold moves to replenish the farm system and rebuild for the near future.

That smarts!

2008-05-22T18:02:00.002-04:00

I was flipping through channels on Thursday and stopped on Fox Sports Network. They have this show called Sports Science, where they go through a bunch of different scenarios in sports and talk about the science of them. Hence the name. This episode in particular caught my attention because it features a guy getting hit in the nads by a 50 mph tennis ball. If you can't laugh at this, then you are a robot.

Sports thoughts

2008-05-15T17:37:00.004-04:00

Lebron James is a jerk

After the Cleveland Cavaliers lost to the Boston Celtics on Wednesday night, Lebron James let us all in on what kind of person he is. My conclusion is that he is an ego-maniac. Here is the quote from "King James."

"We know it's a win-or-go-home situation. We've got to approach it that way. We're a very good team at home. But a LeBron James team is never desperate."

A Lebron James team is never desperate??? What the hell does that mean? I know that this guy is a great player. And I know that he knows he is a great player. We both know that his teammates aren't that good as well. But can a player possibly be more selfish that this guy? There is no regard for the other players on his team. It's all about Lebron in Lebron's world. Why doesn't he just say that the Cleveland Cavaliers team are not desperate? He makes it all about himself.

What really bothers me though is the assumption of greatness that he throws in people's faces. For a guy who hasn't really accomplished anything, he certainly acts like he has. He pretends to be Michael Jordan, but without the rings. Jordan was probably a jerk too. Maybe that's what makes people great. But Jordan had to earn his greatness. Lebron declared himself great in high school. Anybody who declares themselves "King" has to be a jerk. Right?

I love Manny Ramirez

I was watching Sportscenter this morning and they showed a highlights of the Boston Red Sox versus the Baltimore Orioles. Manny Ramirez made a catch in left field near the warning track. His momentum carried him to the wall, where he jumped up and high fived a Boston Red Sox fan in the first row. Then Manny turned and doubled off a runner at first base. How great is that? Have you ever seen somebody who enjoys playing baseball more than this guy? He proceeded to the dugout and showed his teamates what he did through a TV camera in the camera well. Needless to say, they all got a good laugh out of it. Some people think Manny is an idiot. I think he is good for baseball and for sports in general. The guy shows that sports are supposed to be fun. You gotta love Manny.

McCain sucks!

2008-05-14T18:16:00.006-04:00

I've decided that John McCain doesn't have my vote for President. I've never been crazy about McCain, but I had made the decision to hold my nose in the booth and vote for him. I have been thinking about this over the past few days, and have decided that he has lost my vote. He has to earn it back, and I don't see how he is going to do that.

McCain has been making speeches around the country that essentially spit in the faces of conservatives like myself. He has called man made climate change an indisputable fact. Anyone that goes along with the irresponsible idea that global warming/climate change is caused by human beings will not get a vote from me. Such a candidate will not support legislation that I believe will create an energy independent America. Quite the opposite actually. I firmly believe that the global warming crowd hates the United States and are trying to destroy it from the inside. To accept the premise of these maniacs is to advance their anti-American agenda. Is John McCain anti-American? Certainly not. But he is a populist. He has never really had any convictions other than to oppose conservatives. He wants to be liked and tends to work with liberals before he would do so with conservatives. I just don't think he's very smart. He has authored the biggest assault on free speech with his McCain/Feingold Campaign Finance bill. He and Ted Kennedy proposed the dangerous immigration bill that would have allowed amnesty to all of the illegals in the USA. He has proposed a bill with Joe Lieberman limiting carbon emissions. He joined the Gang of 14, which refused to exercise a Constitutional option to prevent Democrat filibustering on Judicial nominees. Why should I vote for this guy? He is a traitor to his party. He would be better served on the Democrat ticket. And I bet they would take him at this point.

After speaking to the venerable Dan Bissot Sr. over this issue, I am more convinced that people like us have no representation in this country. We are forced to choose between a couple of inferior candidates. The steal a phrase from South Park, we are either going to elect a "Giant Douche" or a "Turd Sandwich." So, do I support McCain, because he is a Republican, and I always vote for Republicans? Or, do I sit out the Presidential election because I refuse to vote for a man that holds liberal points of views on too many issues? I have chosen to do the latter. If Barack Obama, (B.O.) wins, so be it. He is going to be a disaster. But at least we are left with the chance of getting a true conservative in the White House in four years. If McCain wins, he is assured to be ousted in 2012. Leaving the Presidency void of conservative leadership until at least 2016. We can't afford to wait that long. The biggest threat to America comes not from Islamic extremists, but from wacko environmentalists/Democrats who are supporting policy that is neutering progress here. I am reminded of the movie, "When a Stranger Calls." The call is coming from inside the house. Or rather, the true threat is coming from inside the country. Until we see a conservative leader take charge, we will continue on the downward spiral that we are heading into. We will be forced to pay ridiculous carbon taxes. We will pay $6.00 plus for a gallon of gasoline. The government will require us to buy into the Federal Health Care system. Which is great, because the government does a bang up job in everything it does. (see Hurricane Katrina, War on Poverty - have they won that yet?, Social Security) This is where we are heading and I am not confident that John McCain is capable of leading us down a different(right) path.

Quick Hits

2008-05-06T17:14:00.003-04:00

Ironman
I saw Ironman this past weekend. I have to say that I really enjoyed it. Of course I enjoyed it. Is there a Superhero movie that I didn't enjoy? Maybe a couple, but Ironman was excellent. Robert Downey Jr. did an excellent job as Tony Stark/Ironman. He's incredibly likeable and believable as the arrogant billionaire industrialist turned superhero. If you need something to do on Friday or Saturday night, go see it. You will definitely be entertained.

Tigers
It looks like I spoke too soon. After declaring in a previous blog that the Tigers have turned it around, they promptly lost 4 straight. There are some issues with the lineup. They look like a bunch of fat cats who are going through the motions to me. Leyland needs to find some answers. Here is one. Restore Brandon Inge at third base. The awful defense at third base this year has only proven how good Inge is and why he needs to play everyday. I don't care how they mix up the lineup, Inge needs to play.

Almost Skunked
My brother and I went fishing this past Saturday. I am here to declare that we are not good fisherman. But we did not suffer the indignity of being skunked on the lake. A little over a half hour before we pulled anchor, I pulled in 2 pumpkinseeds. Both were a little over 3 inches long. Its a good thing Scott's boat has a live well on it. If I can catch 20 more, we may have a meal. But I don't even like fish, so I guess it doesn't matter.

It's that pimple
Currently, I have a gigantic zit above my left eyebrow. This thing is monstrous. But its not ready to be popped. It really hurts and I want to get rid of it, but there isn't really anything I can do right now. When this thing goes, the citizens of Pompei better run. There is no doubt of its mirror squirting ability.

What about Brett Fav-ruh?
I just saw a story about this kid in Wisconsin who has worn a Brett Favre jersey every day for 4 years. I find this to be very pathetic. Alright, I get it, the kid is a fan. But 4 years? I once wore my Herman Moore jersey for 4 straight hours. I thought that was impressive. One day, this kid will realize that wearing jerseys aren't cool, unless you are either going to the game, or watching it at home. And he will forever be remembered by his classmates as the kid who wore the Brett Farve jersey. Or simply as Brett Favre. He's going to regret that for life. Where are his parents? You have to prevent embarrasing things like this whenever possible.
When I was in grade school, John Ball (then the fat kid in school) always wore a yellow "leather" jacket with USA and the olympic rings on the back. I can see that jacket in my dreams. But then Joey LaParl made a mistake of coming to school with the same jacket about a year later. Oh man, he was ripped on mercilessly. I mean, he had the "John Ball coat" on. What was he thinking? (side note: John Ball could kick the soccer ball a mile)

Speaking of jerseys, let me tell you about the time I bought my Drew Stanton jersey. I was at the MSU - UM football game in 2005. Needless to say, I had been drinking that morning. At halftime of the game, I was so excited about Drew Stanton and the undefeated Spartans that I went down to the store in Spartan Stadium and bought myself a Drew Stanton #5 jersey. Had I been of sober mind, I never would have purchased a $50 football jersey. But I just put it on my credit card. There I was, walking up the stairs, back to my seat with a shit eating grin on my face and Drew Stanton's number on my back. Since that date, the Spartans have pretty much sucked. I should burn the jersey because it is jinxed. But it was fifty dollars.

Funny dream
The other night I had a dream where I woke up laughing. Have you ever had this happen? I couldn't remember what was so funny for a while. But now I do. In my dream, people were wearing pants that had a hole in the but. But it wasn't like a ripped hole. It was a designed hole. So everyone was walking around with these pants on that had these huge holes in the butts, so you could see their crack. Apparently it was hilarious, because I woke up laughing. But now, as I really think about this and write it down, I can't help but think to myself...That's not funny at all. It's just really disturbing.

Tiger Turnaround

2008-05-01T17:51:00.004-04:00

It seems that the Tigers have turned thier season around. As of this writing, the Tigers are 13-15 and only 2 games out of first place in their division. That means that since their 0-7 start, they have gone 13-8. They seem to have found their hitting stroke. And best of all, the projected weakness of this team has been pretty darn good. Empty Coconuts really has no complaints about the job that the pen has done. Look at the ERAs of some of these guys.

Aquilino Lopez - 0.49
Todd Jones - 2.45
Denny Bautista - 2.25
Bobby Seay - 3.00
Clay Rapada - 0.00

Jason Grilli has been shipped to Colorado, much to the joy of many Tiger fans. The team has called up Francisco Cruceta who was dominant in all of his minor league appearances. I can't believe I'm saying this, but as of right now, who's out when/if Rodney and Zumaya come back. The pen doesn't really worry me any more. Granted, things can change in baseball in a hurry and it's a long season. But I like where it is headed.

The starters need to get their act together. Three of them have ERAs over 6.00. Justin Verlander needs to find a way to win games. His pitches have good movement on them, but he just isn't doing enough to win. Kenny pitched well the other night, but is the early season slump a sign of his age finally catching up with him? Probably. Lets hope he has a few more months left in that arm. Armando Galarraga has picked up some of the slack left by JV, Kenny, Nate and super scrub Dontrelle Willis. He's probably headed back to the minors when Dontrelle returns, but the guess here is that he'll be back sooner than later. I'm not sure if he is a fluke, but he's earned the opportunity to prove it. The hitters can only take these guys so far. They seem to be coming around recently. If they don't, then the Tigers will be in trouble. Obviously.

Gibby's Homer
I was home on Monday and FSN had an hour long show all about Kirk Gibson's homerun in the 1988 World Series. It must have been a couple of years old, because they said he was the bench coach for the Tigers at the end. But that is one of the coolest sports stories ever. He was the MVP in 1988. Gibby had suffered a couple of leg injuries, (pulled hamstrings, bad knee) and he was unable to really play in the World Series. Game 1 of the World Series, Gibby is in the clubhouse watching the game and the broadcasters are talking about how he is unavailable to play. The fiery Gibby grows furious and starts hitting balls off the tee. He puts his uniform on and tells Tommy Lasorda that he's available to hit. I guess I'll just let them tell you.

Pathetic Presidential Candidates

2008-04-22T19:33:00.002-04:00

These are the most pathetic presidential candidates that I have ever seen. I, of course, am a WWE fan and was watching Monday Night Raw as i usually do. What I saw this past Monday was really sorry. Hillary Clinton, Barack Obama and John McCain each taped about a one minute long message to WWE fans, apparently trying to convince them to vote for each of them.
Hillary referred to herself as "Hilrod." I'm not really sure what that means. Obama said that people will "smell what Barack is cooking." Which is a reference to former wrestler The Rock's catch phrase "Do you smell what The Rock is cooking?" And McCain went cliche city, quoting many of past wrestlers' catch phrases and obviously having a good time with it.
The pandering here is transparent. I'm pretty sure that none of these candidates have ever watched WWE, at least on a regular basis, yet they pretend to know what is going on. I actually think that reaching out to WWE fans is a good idea because they are probably a lot of untapped votes. But at least take it somewhat seriously.
Becoming President of the United States is a big deal. It is serious business and should be treated as such. Can you in good conscience vote for a person who went on WWE TV and referred to herself as Hilrod? Or told people that they will "smell what Barack is cooking?" I'm not a big McCain fan, but at least he was being himself and showing his sense of humor. But I still think it was unpresidential. I can't see Ronald Reagan or George W. Bush doing this.
What's worse is the later in the show, WWE brought out a couple of actors dressed as Hilrod and Barack to wrestle and totally lampooned them. These two candidates went out of their way to reach out to WWE fans, and the WWE made them look like fools. Boy, are we ever screwed.

Crazy Parrot Lady

2008-04-17T22:13:00.002-04:00

Wednesday was a beautiful day, so I decided to take a longer drive home from work than I usually do. I ended up driving through the southern part of Grand Rapids up to the city and then to my house. South Grand Rapids is kind of a rough area of town. There are a lot of run down buildings and unkept houses. But the highlight of my drive was seeing the crazy parrot lady.
I was driving up Grandville avenue and I saw a flash of blue red to my left. I looked over and saw a lady standing on the side of the road with four, yes four parrots perched on her. One on each shoulder and one on each arm. It reminded me of the lady from Home Alone 2. Parrots are pretty big birds. Who owns 4 parrots and takes them for a walk in Grand Rapids. This is something you would see in Venice Beach or Atlantic City. It was really odd but it brought a smile to my face.
Had I been walking down the street, I probably would have crossed to the other side. I think I'm scared of birds. Whenever I was in pet stores as a kid, I was always freaked out by the parrots in there. I remember several times rounding the corner of an aisle and being startled by a parrot out of its cage. That totally freaked me out. Much like Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom when Willy was hanging her clothes and opened up what she thought was a shirt only for it to be a vampire bat. I'm pretty much scared of anything that has flapping wings or beaks.

GI Joe Update #2

2008-04-16T20:04:00.003-04:00

Another picture from the upcoming GI Joe movie has been released. This is Rachel Nichols as Scarlett. Needless to say, I'm really looking forward to this one.

Summer Movie Preview

2008-04-11T12:08:00.006-04:00

It appears that the Tigers suck. So, I'm going to have to find another way to entertain myself this summer. As you may or may not know, I love to go to the movies. And this summer is offering a plethora of blockbusters and must sees. Well, must sees for me anyway. So, without further ado, here are my must sees for the summer.

May 2
IronMan - Based on the Marvel comics character, Robert Downey Jr. stars as the alcoholic billionaire industrialist Tony Stark, who builds a metal suit to fight crime. In my opinion, there is nobody better to bring Ironman to life on the big screen.

May 16
The Chronicles of Narnia - Prince Caspian - The Pevensie children return to Narnia a year after the events of "The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe." But 1000 years have passed in Narnia. Together, they try to install Prince Caspian to his throne. (If I remember correctly from the book)

May 23
Indiana Jones and the Kindom of the Crystal Skull - Do I really need to say anything? Harrison Ford dons the fedora and whip again. Shia Lebouf plays his long lost son? Replace the Nazis with Soviets. Not much is known about the plot, but does that really matter? I'm there.

June 13
The Incredible Hulk - Another movie based on a Marvel comics superhero, The Incredible Hulk reboots the series from 2003's lame "Hulk." Edward Norton takes over as Dr. Bruce Banner and Tim Roth plays baddie Emil Blonsky who morphs into the Abomination. Also, look for a cameo from Robert Downey Jr. as Tony Stark.

June 20
Get Smart - Steve Carell takes over for Don Adams as Maxwell Smart, the uber dimwitted secret agent.

June 27
Wanted - James McAvoy plays a man who is recruited and trained by a team of assasins, including Morgan Freeman and Angelina Jolie. This one looks to have some cool visuals, (Jolie included) and some great action. My dad will be torn on this one. He loves Morgan Freeman, but hates unbelievable action. (see Mission Impossible and Tom Cruise juming from helicopter to the train) The trailer includes Jolie spinning a car and picking up McAvoy by simly opening the door and scooping him into the passenger seat. Pretty unbelievable. But I like it.

July 4
Hancock - Will Smith plays a superhero who falls out of favor with the public. Here he tries to put his image back together. It has to be better than "I am Legend."

July 18
The Dark Knight - Batman Begins is probably my favorite superhero movie of all time. It may be my favorite movie of all time. I'm actually watching it as I write this article. So, naturally, I am super pumped up to see the sequel. Watching the trailer for the first time gave me goosebumps. Christian Bale returns as Bruce Wayne/Batman and he always takes his work seriously. I wouldn't expect him to don a Batsuit with nipples. (see Batman and Robin) Seeing Heath Ledger as the Joker is haunting, but promises to be iconic. Aaron Eckhart also stars as doomed District Attorney Harvey Dent. Expect him to undergo the accident that turns him into Two Face by the end of the film. Don't forget about Michael Caine as Wayne's butler Alfred, Morgan Freeman as Lucious Fox and Gary Oldman as (soon to be Commissioner) Liuetenant Gordon. Their performances in the first film were perfect and many of their scenes were the most enjoyable. Awesome.

Those are my must sees for the summer. Although there are a few other movies that I may get around to if I have time. (haha, of course I will have time)

Forgetting Sarah Marshall (April 18)
Stepbrothers (July 25)
Pineapple Express (August 8)
These three are all Judd Apatow productions - You remember him. The guy who brought us Anchorman, The 40 year old Virgin, Taladegga Nights, Knocked Up and Superbad. I'll see them at some point.

Hellboy II: The Golden Army (July 11)
The first movie's plot was dumb, but it was entertaining. Also note the roman numerals instead of the standard digit - They classed this thing up.

X-Files (July 25)
Mulder and Scully return 10 years after the first flick. Not much is known about it. Doesn't that fit the X-files?

The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor (August 1)
Brendan Fraser returns to fight an asian mummy this time. Sounds like fun.

Punisher: War Zone (September 12)
Frank Castle is back, sort of. Thomas Jane is replaced by Ray Stevenson. In this one, The Punisher takes on the mob in New York.

So, there it is. My first summer movie preview. This summer proves to have a lot of blockbusters in the theaters. I'm looking forward to it.

Below are some of the trailers.

Summer Movie Trailers

2008-04-11T12:07:00.005-04:00

The Dark Knight

IronMan

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull

The Incredible Hulk

Wanted

Panic in Motown!!

2008-04-07T09:52:00.003-04:00

I cannot believe what is happening with the Tigers. They have looked awful this week. Who is to blame for this? Initially, I wanted to blame the bullpen. I wanted to blame Jason Grilli for giving up 3 runs on 3 pitches in Friday's game, and for having an ERA of 20.25. But ultimately, I cannot do that. Yet.
The following thought was pointed out to me by baseball enthusiast and sports gadfly Anthony Dinello this weekend:
Until this team hits like it is supposed to hit, then you cannot blame the pitching. We knew coming into this season that the bullpen was going to be a problem. The hitting was supposed to carry the team through that. But they haven't.
Here is the list of Tigers batting averages through the first week.

Placido Polanco - .087
Miguel Cabrera - .111
Pudge Rodriguez - .174
Gary Sheffield - .200
Jacque Jones - .214
Edgar Renteria - .231
Magglio Ordonez - .280

Of those batting averages, only Ordonez's can be classified as respectable - only if his name wasn't Magglio Ordonez. They are pretty bad for a team that is supposed to score over 1000 runs this season. They are supposed to be the next Murderers Row. It is not looking like that so far.
I've heard the theory that Curtis Granderson's absence from the lineup is what is driving this. I would agree with that, but the guys replacing him, Brandon Inge and Clete Thomas are hitting .316 and .467 respectively. Carlos Guillen is pulling his weight as well by hitting .400.

Until these guys start hitting, then they will keep losing. You can't count on this pitching staff to pull them through this. They have been impatient at the plate, often swinging at the first pitch. When they get a runner on, the next guy(often Cabrera) hits into a double play (5 sunday night). Those are absolute rally killers. This team will hit. I have no doubt of that. The players are too good. But they are 0-6 with road trips to Boston and Chicago looming. The question is when will they hit and will it be too late.

Breaking Down MSU

2008-04-01T21:15:00.005-04:00

By popular demand (1 person), we here at Empty Coconuts have decided to write a review of the MSU Spartans basketball season. As always, Empty Coconuts likes to reach out to its reader(s) and give the people what they want. So, here are my thoughts on the MSU basketball season, the state of the program and what the future holds.

If I had to give MSU a grade for this season, it would be a B-. The only conclusion that I can come to is that this team underachieved. In most publications, if not all, they were picked to win the Big Ten title. Many analysts, included those at Empty Coconuts, believe this team to be Final Four caliber. That being said, were we all wrong? Did we overestimate this team at the beginning of the season or did they underachieve? I believe it is the latter.

First and foremost, I must say that my analysis of this season could potentially be incomplete. The Big Ten Network played a role in that because I could not watch every game. Yes, I made as many trips to B-dubs as I could, but a guy can only sit in a bar by himself to watch a game so many times. The ladies just won't leave me alone. So, there is my disclaimer.

I think the best way to describe this MSU team was inconsistent. They looked good during their non-conference schedule. They had good neutral/road wins agains Missouri and BYU. They nearly beat UCLA and in my opinion they really had no business losing that game. Considering their road woes over the past few seasons, these were important games. They seemed to be getting mentally tougher. Then they had a huge win over Texas at the Palace of Auburn Hills. When you look at what they accomplished in the preseason, this team had a lot of potential going into Big Ten play.

The potential virtually ended there. Any mental toughness they gained in the non-conference on the road was lost. They had 2 inexcusable losses on the road to Iowa and Penn State, scoring only 36 in an entire game against Iowa. If you want to win a Conference title, you simply cannot lose to Iowa and Penn State. After those losses, they were assured of not winning the conference. It means that you cannot afford to lose to the good teams. That makes the path so much more difficult. They laid another stinker against Indiana on the road, losing by 19. They started off hot against Wisconsin, but suddenly Wisconsin went on a ridiculous run, and the game was over. They ended up 3-6 on the road. I know it is tough to win on the road in college basketball, but all the good teams manage to do it.

Conversely, they didn't lose a game at home all year. They absolutely crushed Indiana. They beat Purdue, Minnesota, and Ohio State as well. It's amazing, this team looked so confident when they were at home, but looked scared and frazzled on the road. Picture Raymar Morgan's face right now. What do you see? I can't get the image of him looking like he's going to start crying.
In the end, they finished fourth in a subpar Big Ten. This was a huge disappointment. But, with Tom Izzo on the sideline, you always have new life in March.

The Big Ten tournament was the most disappointing point in the season for me. I will go to my grave knowing that State had a better team than Wisconsin this year. No one will ever convince me that Wisconsin won that game. This was an absolute hose job by the refs. The worst part of it was that it cost State a high seed and a potential placement in the Detroit bracket. Either way, they lost, it's over, I'm over it....kind of....not at all actually. I hate Wisconsin.

Their tournament run was decent for the most part. They beat a solid team in Temple in impressive fashion. Then they outmuscled the media's darling for this year, Pittsburgh. Getting to the Sweet Sixteen was a good accomplishment for this team and gave a successful storyline to the season. They proved their inconsistency again versus Memphis. Now, I'm a believer that there was no way MSU was going to beat Memphis that night. But losing by 30 at halftime? That's pretty bad. They reverted to their tentative ways. Where was the toughness they played with against Temple and Pitt. For crying out loud, they only had 6 defensive rebounds. Memphis was quicker and more athletic and I really don't have a problem losing to a superior team. I just didn't like that we went out without a wimper.

Neitzel disappoints

Drew Neitzel clearly felt the pressure of being an All-American this year. He didn't really exert his influence on any games until the Big Ten tournament. His struggles were a huge part of the Spartans lack of success. If you are supposed to be the best player on a "title contender," you have to show up for big games, such as their road game against Purdue. Neitzel only had 6 points and was virtually ineffective. I don't see an NBA career in his future, mostly due to his inconsistency and size. Had Neitzel had a big year, State could still be playing

Where are you Raymar?

What the hell happened to Raymar Morgan? This guy totally disappeared during the last portion of the season. He is an unreliable player. He cannot stay in the game because he is constantly in foul trouble. It reminds me of Aloysius Anogonye (I know I didn't spell that right). Anogonye was always in foul trouble too. But he was a physical power forward. Raymar is a small forward who gets caught with cheap stupid fouls - hand checks, reaching in, bumping. I think he might be the 2nd dumbest player Izzo has ever coached. The guy has all the tools, and should dominate in the Big Ten. The jury is still out for me. I'm not sure he's going to put it together. And make a free throw dammit.

The dumbest player Izzo has ever coached

Marquise Gray. Do I really have to say more? He's totally worthless.

Surprisingly good

I thought Goran Suton had a good year. He occasionally would not show up for entire games. And sure, he's prone to turn the ball over. But that's usually when he's given the ball in positions where he shouldn't be touching it. He has great moves in the post and is a proven scorer. I see a big year and a more prominent role in the offense for him next year.

The Flash

Forget D-Wade. Kalin Lucas is The Flash. I have not watch a point guard this quick. He is the future of this program. I'd be thrilled if we get three years out of him. He can take over games. He is not afraid to take the big shot. I like him as the floor leader going forward. He had some noticable growing pains this year, but I think he's only going to get better.

2008-09

Chris Allen has to play a bigger role next year. We saw against Temple and Memphis what this guy can do. Remember, he was the top recruit coming in this year. The guy can score. He needs to start with Lucas next year. A starting backcourt of Lucas/Allen with Travis Walton, Durrell Summers and incoming freshman Korie Luscious looks pretty good to me.

Delvon Roe and Draymond Green will hopefully bring some toughness up front when they arrive on campus next year.

I think this team will be better next year. Even though they are losing Neitzel, I think that this years freshmen along with the newcomers next year are going to step up and show what they can do.

08-09 Starting Lineup

PG - Kalin Lucas

SG - Chris Allen

SF - Raymar Morgan

PF - Goran Suton

C - Delvon Roe

I think they should win the Big 10 next year. They should be a Final Four contender. But I said the same thing this time last year.

Ric Flair clips

2008-04-01T17:59:00.002-04:00

Farewell Nature Boy

2008-04-01T17:12:00.003-04:00

The Nature Boy, Ric Flair has retired.

If you aren't a Professional Wrestling fan, then chances are you probably have not heard of Ric Flair. Which, quite frankly is a sad fact. It would be equivalent to not knowing who Willie Mays or Magic Johnson are in their respective sports. Ric Flair is one of the icons of professional wrestling. He stands as one of the greatest wrestlers of all time, next to Hulk Hogan, Andre the Giant, The Undertaker, Stone Cold Steve Austin, Bret the Hitman Hart, HHH and The Rock. He won the World Title 16 times. He helped form one of the greatest wrestling stables of all time, The Four Horsemen, which consisted of a variety of members over the years. He is easily one of the most entertaining professional wrestlers. Forget that, he is easily one of the great entertainers of the last 30 years.

Nobody in today's professional wrestling business can entertain like Flair. He had the ability to be loved and hated by everyone at the same time. Most of his career, Flair was a heel (a bad guy, sorry for the wreslting lingo). I hated him when I was younger. I remember watching him at one of the Royal Rumbles when he was the third men out of thirty to enter the ring. He hid outside of the ring until all of the other competitors were eliminated. Then he ran into the ring and threw the supposed winner over the top rope to win. I was pissed off. He was so hatable.

But over time, Flair grew so respected by the fans for being hatable, that he suddenly became lovable. I've been to live wrestling events. Before every event, you hear fans through the arena shouting, "woooooooooooooooooo!" Which was one of Flair's signature phrases. Most wrestlers have some sort of catch phrase. Flair had a few. He was the "limousine riding, jet flying, wheelin, dealin, kiss stealin, son of a gun." He expressed that "to be the man, you've gotta beat the man." He was dubbed the "dirtiest player in the game," for his frequent crotch shots and his back hand chops to the opponents bare chest. Now that's what I call entertainment.

When Flair was interviewed on the wrestling shows, or simply had a mike in his hand, I never turned the channel. You never knew what he was going to say. It was common for him to spaz out. His face would turn red as he was calling out Hulk Hogan or the Macho Man Randy Savage. You could see spit flying out of his mouth. Sometimes he would get so lost in the moment that he would rip off his sport coat, throw it down on the mat and start dropping elbows on it. Finally, he had the strut. It was anything from a cool walk across the ring with a slight lean forward to a violent two step that looked like he had a tick. Either way, it was gold.

As I watched Flair's retirement from wrestling in the ring on Monday night, I couldn't help but get a little emotional about it. The man was bawling in the ring as his old friends and current wrestlers honored him. You could tell that he loved the stage and put his heart and soul into it. I hope that he will be back in some sort of capacity on the show.

Ric Flair would never make it in wrestling if he started today. He wasn't big enough. Now, they are looking for the huge roided out monsters to carry the show. But they've forgotten that it isn't how you look or wrestle that makes you great. It's whether or not you can get the fans to love or hate you. It is about entertaining people. There are few that were better at it than The Nature Boy, Ric Flair. Woooooooooooo!

Boo FSN!

2008-03-31T20:04:00.004-04:00

I don't know if anyone else found themselves in my postion, but I was unable to watch the Tigers home opener on Monday live because I had to work. Now I know how Fox Sports usually run these things. They show the game live in the afternoon and then show a replay at 7pm at night. Had I known what I was going to get on TV tonight, I would have at least taped the game, or maybe I wouldn't have tried as hard as I did to not hear what the score was.

After the Tigers were out in the bottom of the second inning, I flipped the channel to Comedy Central to watch Scrubs during the commercial break. I watched Scrubs for a few minutes and turned the channel back to FSN. I thought it was odd that the Tigers were batting again when I turned it back. But I figured that Verlander must have pitched a very quick inning. So, I watched the Tigers hit in the Third. Then I went to the bathroom. While I was in the bathroom, I heard Mario Impemba say that Carlos Guillen, Pudge Rodriguez and Jacque Jones would be facing Gil Meche. What?!? The Tigers just batted. FSN completely skipped the top of the 2nd, 3rd and 4th innings.

Apparently, FSN doesn't think that Tigers fans want to watch Justin Verlander pitch. I'm here to tell them, that I am one who would like to watch Justin Verlander pitch. Worst of all, JV was dealing, apparently. When they finally started showing him pitching in the Fifth, they showed a stat that he had only allowed 1 hit through 4 innings. What moron decides to skip 3 innings of Justin Verlander pitching at FSN.

I'm seriously pissed off right now. I guess my point is, either show the entire game, or don't show any of it. had I known I was going to see this garbage, I would have taped the game so I could see it in its entirity. I'm sorry you are under time constraints because you need to show 3 hours of "The Best Damn Sports Show Period."

My message for FSN, if you are going to not show us the top half of any innings on the replay, try not showing the innings where Jason Grilli and Todd Jones are pitching. Spare us that pain. Do show us Justin Verlander.

April in the D

Apparently, it is "April in the D." They keep running that commercial on FSN. The theme: FSN is showing nearly 40 games (Tigers, Red Wings and Pistons) during the month of April. This has sparked the genius ad campaign of "April in the D." If' you'll pardon my skepticism, isn't it FSN's job to show sporting events. Why do they need to celebrate this with the stupidest slogan I have ever heard? That being "April in the D." Just show the games. They sell themselves. Oh yeah, it's not 40 games. It's NEARLY 40 games. I can just see the meeting at the FSN offices.

FSN Executive 1: We need to get people to watch these games.

FSN Executive 2: Wait, aren't we showing NEARLY 40 games this month.

FSN Executive 1: Absolutely. Wow, April is jam packed with sports action.

FSN Executive 2: That's it. You know how losers call Detroit the D. Well we'll call it "April in the D."

FSN Executive 1: Brilliant!

Also, this is one of the most annoying commercials that I have ever heard. They have some metal heads rocking out about it being "April in the D." If I have to listen to that all month, I'm going to kill someone.....actually, i probably won't do that. But I will complain about it a lot. Maybe I'll throw something at the wall or TV. We'll see. I'll let you know.

Tigers Season Preview

2008-03-26T21:48:00.008-04:00

As of last Thursday, it was officially spring. Even though the huge snow storm on Friday contradicted it. But Sping is here and with Spring comes new beginnings. The most exciting of new beginnings for many in Michigan and around the country is Opening Day of Major League Baseball. Soon, the state will be abuzz with excitement over the Tigers. With the additions in the off-season, the Tigers appear to have made moves that will allow them to compete for a World Series Title. So, with that, I have decided to write a season preview for the Tigers and their upcoming season.

Why the Tigers will win the AL Central

Because their lineup is scary. I mean really scary. I have never seen a lineup like this. From top to bottom there is not an easy out. The Tigers added future Hall of Famer Miguel Cabrera in the off season. Cabrera replaces Brandon Inge at 3rd Base. Although Cabrera's defense is not what Inge brought to the table, he more than makes up for it with his bat. His .313 career batting averages dwarfs Inge's .241. He has never drove in less that 112 runs in a full season and has homerun totals of 33, 33, 26 and 34 in those seasons. When you put that kind of hitter in the middle of the Tigers lineup, it may cause opposing pitchers to wet themselves on the mound. Cabrera didn't receive near the protection in Florida that he will get in this lineup.

Curtis Granderson and Placido Polanco are excellent table setters at the top of the order. Following them are Gary Sheffield, Magglio Ordonez, and Cabrera at 3, 4 and 5 respectively. That alone is a dangerous lineup. And the fact that pitchers will not be able to pitch around any of those players is a huge advantage for the Tigers. Protecting Cabrera will be Carlos Guillen in the 6th spot. Guillen is coming off of a year where he hit .296, 21 homerun and 102 RBIs. He is about as steady as they come as a hitter. Don't forget that the Tigers added Edgar Renteria at shortstop. He will most likely hit 7th. Renteria hit .332 last year and almost serves as a second leadoff hitter for the bottom third of the lineup. Rounding out the lineup are Pudge Rodriguez and Jacque Jones. Wow. If nothing else, this team will be fun to watch. They should score a lot of runs this year.

Why the Tigers won't win the AL Central

Because their bullpen is scary. Not for opposing hitters, but for the Tigers and their fans. Are we really confident with a bullpen that boasts Todd Jones as their best pitcher. Now, I've been a Todd Jones supporter for a while. (well, as much as one can really support Todd Jones) I've always been of the opinion that although he scares the living hell out of people, Dan Bissot Sr. included, he gets the job done most of the time. You just can't deny the fact that the guy has saved 40, 37 and 38 games the last 3 seasons. He may blow a few games that he has no business blowing, and nearly blows a few others, but in general he saves ballgames. That being said, Jones is nearly 40 years old. How long can he keep that up? He hasn't been good in Spring Training. This may be the year that the wheels come off the Rock'n Roller Coaster.

Joel Zumaya and Fernando Rodney will start the season on the Disabled List. Who knows what versions of themselves they will be when they return? Rounding out the bullpen are Bobby Seay, Zach Miner, Denny Bautista, and (gulp) Jason Grilli. The Tigers recently released Tim Byrdak and have yet to fill the last 2 spots. These guys don't exactly set the world on fire. I have no confidence that any of them will get the job done when they come in the game. Why Jason Grilli still has a job on this team is a mystery to me. The guy was pathetic last year. It makes me wonder how many 6-3 leads turn into 7-6 losses with this bullpen. They will rely on Rodney and Zumaya to be good when they return. They may have to make a trade to shore the pen up.

Tigers Most Valuable Player (Possible AL MVP)

Miguel Cabrera. Why? Go back 2 paragraphs and read it again. If you thought Magglio was great last year, wait until you see this guy play. I'm looking forward to it.

Tigers Cy Young (Possible AL Cy Young)

Justin Verlander. Why? Because now that Johan Santana is in the National League, it's arguable that Verlander is the best pitcher in the league. Verlander went 18-6 last year with a 3.66 ERA. He struck out 183 batters. Verlander has won 35 games in the last 2 seasons and looks to be a 20 game winner this year. In 2007, he had the highest run support in baseball at 7.32 runs per game. This lineup is even better and could provide even more run support for Verlander. Oh, I almost forgot. The guy also threw a No Hitter last year. As Kenny Maine would say, "This just in. He's good."

Breakout Player

Jeremy Bonderman. I think this is the year that Bondo, or Bondy if you listen to Jim Price, will figure it out. He went 10-1 before the All Star break last year, but was terrible after. When he came up with and injury late in the season it didn't come as a shock to anyone. But he hurt his team by trying to play through it. It's not a surprise as Bondo isn't a rocket scientist. Reports from Lakeland have him trusting his change-up. If he can simply throw the change-up with consistency, then he could win 15-18 games. This is a make or break year for Bonderman. Will he take the next step or wollow in mediocrity? I'm betting on the former.

Goat of the Year

Jason Grilli. I just know he is going to screw something up really bad.

Rod Allen Quote of the Year

"Miguel Cabrera is some kind of strong."

Jim Price Quote of the Year

"It's a high fly ball......going back.......oh my, that's gonna be a homerun......he's gonna touch them all!" Actually, you don't have to hear that this year. Jim Price won't be doing any play by play.

My Prediction

96-66

AL Central Champ - Detroit Tigers
AL East Champ - Boston Red Sox
AL West Champ - L.A. Angels
AL Wild Card - Cleveland Indians

NL Central Champ - Chicago Cubs
NL East Champ - N.Y. Mets
NL West Champ - L.A. Dodgers
NL Wild Card - Philadelphia Phillies

ALCS - Tigers over Indians
NLCS - Mets over Cubs

World Series - Tigers over Mets (I'm such a homer)

Spartans come up big

2008-03-23T10:00:00.004-04:00

What a huge win for the Spartans on Saturday night. They beat favored Pittsburgh 65-54 in one of the best, if not THE best game that they've played all year. Drew Neitzel was terrific, scoring 21 points. It is apparant that Neitzel is not going to finish his career at MSU without a fight.
Kalin Lucas added 19 points and at times seemed like The Flash on the court. I know that there have been faster point guards, but I have not watch one with the regularity that I've watched Lucas. He makes many defenders look like they have cement in their shoes.
Goran Suton looked about as impressive as I've seen him. He was calling for the ball, almost scoring at will. He was grabbing rebounds that he wasn't grabbing in January. Suton finished with 14 points and 9 boards. I thought that Suton was one of the keys to winning this game. Because of his size, I figured that he would cause matchup problems for Pitt and it was clear that he did.
This team appears to have discovered what Spartan Basketball is all about. It has taken some time, but they may have figured it out. Spartan Basketball is about toughness. They have played tough for the past 2 games, against Temple and Pitt. I would even add the Wisconsin loss into that as well. They are rebounding like Spartan teams of old. They outrebounded Pitt 37 - 26. They are playing tough defense. Pitt didn't get many easy baskets on Saturday. Everything was contested and they were only able to grab 7 offensive rebounds.
I've also seen some fire in these players eyes. You know Neitzel, Travis Walton and Kalin Lucas want it. But even the mild Goran Suton played with emotion that I have never seen out of him. He fought for rebounds, and called for the ball in the post. Do they have the Eye of the Tiger? Only Apollo Creed can answer that question. But they certainly showed plenty of emotion on Saturday.
Finally, the Spartans have been getting really good guard play recently. You cannot win in this tournament without good guard play. That is a great recipe for success. With Drew Neitzel, you have one of the best combo guards in the nation. Kalin Lucas appears just as capable of taking over a game. Travis Walton plays lock down defense and Chris Allen can contribute off the bench. This is all a recipe for success.
The Spartans still have a potential matchup with #1 seeded Memphis on Friday, so the celebrating is over. It will be a tough game to win. But they've proven that they can play with anyone. If they play like they did on Saturday, they can beat just about anyone. Go State!

Good Knight

2008-03-21T21:51:00.003-04:00

Whether you like him or hate him, most people have an opinion of Bobby Knight. I've always been a fan of Knight. Sure, he can be a surly jerk, but he's damn entertaining. Some of his soundbites from over the years are terrific. I particularly liked the "game face" press conference.
That one cracks me up. I'm laughing now just thinking about it.
Knight certainly is a controversial figure. But the man is clearly a basketball genius. Which is why I'm really glad that ESPN has added him to their College Basketball analysis team for the tournament. Although Knight can appear green at times on the show, he offers insight into basketball that you can't get anywhere else. For instance, when analyzing the Western Kentucky vs. Drake game, Knight emphasized the importance of the game winning pass rather than the shot. He pointed out the presence of mind to make that pass and how most players would not have made that play. He even went as far to say that it was one of the great passes in tournament history. How many people on ESPN would focus on such a thing? Probably zero. They are interested in the ultimate highlight. But Knight is looking for the great fundamental play that sets up the ultimate hightlight. It is excellent insight and I'm incredibly interested in what he has to say next.
He has been working with the team of Digger Phelps and Dick Vitale, with Reece Davis hosting. Quite frankly, I would be happy if Digger and Dick were left off the show to give Knight more face time. I've never understood why networks like ESPN use people who weren't great during their playing and/or coaching careers to offer us analysis. Vitale was a pathetic coach, but he's their number one analyst for some reason. Digger Phelps was a decent coach, but what is he really known for? Breaking UCLA's winning streak in the 1970's? With Knight, you have to respect his opinion. The guy knows basketball. And he does a very good job breaking it down on TV.

Yo Joe!!

2008-03-21T17:47:00.003-04:00

Holy Crap! If you don't think this is awesome, then you don't know Joe...GI Joe that is. This is the first picture from the upcoming live action GI Joe movie. It's being released in 2009. Being the nerd that I am, I was pretty excited about this before. But after seeing this picture of Snake Eyes, I'm super pumped. I'm really excited to see what the other characters are going to be in it. Destro, Cobra Commander, Zartan, The Baroness, Storm Shadow, Lady Jaye, Scarlett, Flint, Duke, Hawk, Shipwreck, Gung Ho, Road Block, Bazooka, Deep Six? This is going to be so awesome. If you weren't aware of the upcoming GI Joe movie, now you know. And knowing is half the battle.

Let the Madness Begin!

2008-03-16T14:09:00.003-04:00

Given the time of year, I think this video is appropriate.
It gives me goosebumps.

Izzo's Press Conference

2008-03-16T10:30:00.001-04:00

The first part is Bo "Jerk Store" Ryan. Skip to about the 12 minute mark to get Izzo and his players.

I hate Wisconsin!!!!!!!!!!!

2008-03-15T21:21:00.006-04:00

I absolutly hate Wisconsin basketball. I hate Bo Ryan. I hate everything about them. I hate the fact that even though State clearly outplayed them for the whole game, and clearly had the better team, that Wisconsin still won on Saturday.

Wisconsin needed 4 MSU players to foul out to beat the Spartans on Saturday. Bo Ryan should be embarassed about this loss. The officiating was pathetic. The Badgers shot 37 free throws to MSU's 19. Now I'm an astute sports fan and I understand legitimate reasons for foul discrepancies. For instance, if a team is much more aggressive and driving the lane, then they are going to get more fouls called than a jump shooting team. But that is not what happened in this game. Wisconsin was a jump shooting team in the first half, yet still managed to get fouled 14 times. MSU committed more fouls than field goals (11) in the half. It seemed that many foul calls were hand checks and light bumps. I'm sorry, but is this the Big Ten? Isn't it supposed to be a physical defensively minded league? Let them play. Let the players determine the tempo, not incompetant Ed Hightower and his accomplices. In a physical game such as this one, how does one of the teams foul out 4, yes FOUR PLAYERS, and the other team doesn't one player with more than 3. Absolutely ridiculous.

I'm depressed about this game. I haven't been able to really get into many of the MSU games this year, because I had to go to the bar to watch them. Believe me, if you've ever seen me watch an MSU game with real passion, then you can imagine what I looked like today. At one point I was rolling on the floor and ripping my sweatshirt off.(relax, I didn't tear it. I just violently pulled it over my head) I wanted this game so bad. I want to beat Wisconsin SO bad. And I just feel like State was robbed today. I think this is fair criticism and not homerism. I'm usually the first to blame State when I think they stunk. But today the refs stunk. My only hope is that this loss leaves such a bad taste in their mouth that they make a strong run in the tourney. There are not many games that take me a while to get over. But this one will stick with me for a couple of days.

This is Obama's Pastor - Jeremiah "Far From" Wright

2008-03-13T21:52:00.001-04:00

This guy is SCARY. Jeremiah Wright is Barack Obama's pastor and spiritual advisor for his campaign. If you didn't watch the video, please do so, because it is very enlightening. Jeremiah Wright is a racist. You can take away no other conclusion from this speech than that.

Barack Obama has been apart of Wright's church for over 20 years. Which means that he has been listening to garbage like this. He takes his wife and his children to listen to this guy. Let me ask you, if your church spewed this kind of venom on any one sunday, would you go back? Would you want to be associated with it? I wouldn't. How is this man different from Louis Farakhan or the Ku Klux Klan? The answer is that he is not. They are all racists.

Obama has to answer for this. As far as I'm concerned, to even denounce or condemn Wright and such comments is not enough. You are judged by the company that you keep. The fact that Obama keeps company with this man proves that he is unfit to hold the highest office in the land.

Flight of the Conchords

2008-03-13T21:43:00.002-04:00

I was just turned onto this guys this past weekend. After the Jeremiah Wright post, I thought you might like something on the light side.

The Most Beautiful Girl in the Room

Hiphopopotamus vs. Rhymenoceros

If You're Into It

Angry Dance

Let me tell you a tale of Dragons and snails...

2008-03-07T16:13:00.004-05:00

Um, I guess I'm not going to tell you a story about snails, but it rhymes. So sue me.

Anyway, I was at a conference on Thursday night learning about Land Use. It was a very good session and offered a lot of great information and materials to use in the classroom. But, as I've found in my lifetime, and you may have too, there are a lot of weirdos in this world. Yes, it's true, and apparently they have infiltrated the world of education. Although I shouldn't even say that because the subject of this tale was technically an Americorp volunteer.

But I digress. During this session on land use, we were learning about using aerial photos in the classroom. Such photos can be taken from an airplane, a kite, a hot air balloon, etc... The instructor at this point goes through the lesson in the same way that a teacher would do it in the classroom. To this point, the following question is asked:

Instructor: What sort of living things would see this view? (the view being the one from above)

Guy: "Birds."

Lady: "Insects."

Another Guy: "A person in a plane."

Then came the most inexplicable response that I have ever heard come out of an adults mouth.

Hippie Americorp Volunteer: "Dragons."

WHAT?!? Dragons? What the hell was this weirdo talking about. And she was totally serious. The Instructor was so confused that he tried to correct her.

Instructor: "Dragonflies?"

Hippie Americorp Volunteer: "No. Dragons."

As you can imagine, I almost lost it at this point. But I managed to keep it together for the next 45 minutes. When we finally got a break I saw a couple of colleagues in the hallway and told them this story. We sat there killing ourselves laughing in the hallway for about 5 straight minutes. It was one of those times where I missed the laugh the first time, but it was still there trying to get out. Anyway, I thought you all might enjoy that story. It made my week. I'm pretty sure that dragons don't exist, but Hippie Americorp Volunteer apparently is not.

We all have our El Guapos

2008-03-05T19:56:00.002-05:00

Everyone needs a little motivation from time to time. Steve Martin as Lucky Day provides it here in his underrated speech from The Three Amigos. What is my El Guapo? Right now, it is winter. It is driving me mad, and I'm ready for Spring. But I will face my El Guapo. And I encourage you to face yours. Hopefully, your El Guapo doesn't happen to be the same El Guapo that Lucky Day and the Three Amigos had to face, the actual El Guapo. Now get out there and face your El Guapo! Have a great day.

What's wrong with Spartan Hoops?

2008-02-29T13:15:00.003-05:00

It is obvious to me, and many other diehard Spartan fans, that the MSU basketball program has some problems. I don't want to write this. I don't want to think this. But it has to be said. We here at Empty Coconuts are in a constant search of the truth. And sometimes the truth hurts.

A malaise has set over this program. They have not won a Big Ten championship since 2001. That is a seven year drought and counting. Below is where MSU has finished in the Big Ten since 2001.

2001-02 5th

2002-03 3rd

2003-04 3rd

2004-05 2nd

2005-06 6th

2006-07 7th

Now, for many programs, winning their conference once a decade is enough, but MSU and Tom Izzo set the bar higher than that. They have not truly been in contention for a title since the 2003-04 season. If not for a couple of ill timed missed Chris Hill free throws and a premature banner hung in the rafters, we may not be having this conversation. In 2004-05, they had a good team and would have won the title if it were any other year. But Illinois nearly went undefeated and only lost one game overall. So, the Spartans didn't really have a shot at that title. So this begs the questions, if you claim to be an elite program, don't you have to win your conference? Or at least be in contention every year. How long can you say that you are one of the top programs in the country without raising a conference title banner for 7,8,9,...who knows how many years it will end up being.

In fairness, you cannot discount the 2003 Elite Eight and the 2005 Final Four runs. Those are great accomplishments. However, there are also first round exits vs. N.C. State, Nevada and George Mason. Final Fours can help to build a program. But conference championships should sustain a program. Conference Championships should be within reach every year. MSU should win one every 2-3 years, if they want to boast being at an elite level.

This brings me to the search of the truth that I mentioned before. The problems of the MSU basketball program fall at the feet of Tom Izzo. His stubborness to change has left his team behind. The Big Ten has brought in better coaches, Bo Ryan, Matt Painter, Bruce Weber, Thad Matta, Tubby Smith. The offense that MSU runs is pathetic. There is no post game. The ball never enters the paint. Players stand around. The point guard dribbles the ball back and forth, then there is a scramble and a wild shot is thrown up. I don't know what this is. I honestly would rather watch a pickup game at the Y. The offense needs to be revamped. John Calipari did it at Memphis, why can't Izzo do it here.

The other, and probably bigger problem is that Izzo has his players playing scared. You can see it in their faces, especially on the road. They are terrified of making a mistake and getting pulled from the game. When you are scared to make a mistake, chances are you will make a mistake. Doesn't this explain the huge amount of turnovers that this team makes?

On the road, they are pathetic. Opposing teams can almost chalk up the win before the game takes place. And I'm not just talking about a win, it is usually a blowout. There is absolutely no mental toughness. This team is soft. Nobody makes hustle plays. There is no monster rebounder, ala Antonio Smith. They have no identity. They have no confidence.

Izzo needs to make some adjustments if he ever wants to raise another conference title banner. This team is very talented, but I fear Izzo is having the worst year of his coaching career. This is not to discount the disappointing play from some of his players, ahem Drew Neitzel, Marquise Gray, Travis Walton, Raymar Morgan, but the coach has to find a way to put his players into a position to succeed. There is still time to fix this. Izzo is a master in March. There are few who gameplan better with short turnarounds. Would I be surprised if the Spartans made an extended run in the tournament? No way. But I'm not going to hold my breath.

Boo hoo...

2008-02-27T21:23:00.003-05:00

Hillary Clinton is such a joke. Did anyone see he whining last night at the democratic debate about having to answer the first question? If you haven't, you can click on this link.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_kNbaCKYaPI

This is so pathetic. She can't take it that she has to answer an itty bitty democratic debate question from Brian Williams first. This woman wants to lead the United States. She wants to be in charge of our military when we are at war. If she can't handle having to answer a question first, how is she going to stand up to Al Qaeda, Hugo Chavez, Mahmoud Achmedinejad, Kim Jung Il, Communist China, etc... The Clinton machine will destroy people on a whim, but when the screws are turned on her, we see her whining and crying. Do everyone a favor Hillary, GO AWAY! Climb back into that sewer that you and your sleazeball husband came from and never come back. I don't want to see your clown face ever again.

This whole thing is so hypocritical. She thinks the media is treating her unfairly. Where was she for the whole decade in the 1990's? The media made excuse after excuse for her and her delinquent husband. They buried Clinton scandals on the back pages of liberal newspapers. Who knows how many crimes the media has covered up for these people? And she is trying to claim unfairness. Give me a break.

Pistons best in NBA?

2008-02-24T22:06:00.003-05:00

The Pistons are really good.

They absolutely dominated the Phoenix Suns on Sunday afternoon. So much so, that the pathetic announce team, including Mark Jackson and Jeff VanGundy had to embarrassingly make excuses for the Suns throughout the game. I'm sorry, but the addition of Shaq can't possibly disrupt chemistry enough for a team to lose by 30 points at home on National TV.
The Suns are a good team, but Detroit proved on Sunday that they are possibly if not probably the best team in the NBA this year.

What makes the Pistons so scary is their bench. They have arguably had the best starting 5 over the past 2 - 3 years, but they had a crappy bench. Until this season. Jason Maxiel has provided the energy off the bench that Ben Wallace gave as a starter in his prime. The rookie guards have been really good. What I really like about Stuckey and Afflalo is that they are fearless when driving the basket. Almost to a fault. But you have to love the energy and excitement that they bring to the game. Amir Johnson has made a huge leap this year, from D-leaguer in street clothes last season to a major contributor off the bench this year. Jarvis Hayes was an underrated free agent signing in the offseason and has been a pleasant surprise. And don't forget the addition of Juan Dixon. He could be valuable come playoff time as a veteran presence off the bench. But it may be tough for him to beat out Afflalo for minutes.

I'm ready for the Playoffs. Can't we just fast forward to the Eastern Conference Finals vs. the Celtics?